It's that time again. The first round of Presidential Debates is tonight, at some time or another. (I know. It seems like just yesterday that you were sitting around, not giving a shit about the 2004 debates, and now here we are again. Well, as the saying goes, Time is a fickle, filthy whore.) For most people, these debates will decide where their votes will be going, with the exception of people who decided to engage in early voting. (Voting before hearing about the debates or any October surprises? It's gonna be a great four years!) As an informed and impartial outsider, I can concretely say that, so far, these campaigns have been run like absolute turkey shit. Sure, Obama's done an admirable job of completely ignoring the "elitist" attacks, (as if he thinks he's
The T-Shirts Technique
I'm telling you from experience, you get a couple of hot girls walking around with your face on their t-shirts and your shit will get done. The Bullshit Technique
Pow! And anyone who's been in the politics game for even a little while knows not to follow up on a line like that, and do you want to know why? Because, in advance, you will have photoshopped a copy of the aforementioned magazine and brought it to the debate, prepared for his skepticism. And he knows this. You drop the "Fucked Your Mom Magazine" line and he won't ask for further proof unless he wants to lose this election. And his dignity.
The "Jesus Was Also..." Technique
On Family Values:
A candidate in league with the clan is a candidate who, first and foremost, ain't nothin' to fuck with. And that, gentlemen, is a candidate the American people can get behind.
It's anyone's game!
Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.
How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?
The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.
It's easy to work the system and win these awards even if you don't deserve them.