Well that was pretty awful. But something stuck out to me, the whole scene felt very familiar. I thought back to the night before, my most recent run in with near-death with The Jay Leno Drinking Game. Something about this joke felt vaguely reminiscent. So I went to NBC.com and rewatched Tuesday night's episode. Check out this joke from Tuesday's monologue.
Same headline, same weak-ass butt jokes. Goddammit, if you're going to spend two days milking the same freaking news story, at least make decent jokes out of it. I can understand resurrecting a headline for the sake of making an awesome joke, but "Ass Qaeda"? Really? You just had to get that out of your system. You finished Tuesday night's show and then thought "Oh, shit, I should have said Ass Qaeda. We've got to go back!" Your show is on daily. What's the logic in being out-of-touch and a day behind? And, Jesus, Kevin, what the hell's the matter with you? You almost never talk and, when you do, you only want to talk about ass bombs. Seriously, those were like the only times Kevin really wanted to speak up, and those were the only things he said. What the hell, man? Anyway, that joke was a shithouse. I shaved the puppy bald and shoved it into traffic.
Jay briefly pauses his monologue to bring us a pre-taped segment called "Great White Moments in Black History." A black guy comes out and says "On May 14, 2008, the white president of Vh1 cancels Flavor of Love." And that's it, that's the sketch. I don't know if Jay's trying to show how diverse he is by proving he knows a non-Kevin-Eubanks black guy, or if he's just trying to highlight his timeliness by attacking a crappy reality show that was canceled two years ago; either way his audience loved it. This was like a Chappelle's Show sketch, but if Dave Chappelle was a chubby, out-of-touch white guy. Oh, hey, that's exactly what it is. Come on. You're Jay Leno. You interviewed the President, you could probably have a writing staff of anyone in the world. You're taking shots at Flavor Flav? And you're taking them now?! Yeah, give me the gun, or the shovel or a scorpion or whatever. Whatever it takes, I will end that puppy. I'll make it slow and I will feel nothing.
Speaking of milking a headline, Leno's crammed a minimum of three Polanski jokes into every single monologue every day this week, and they're typically just as strong as the one above. My problem with his Polanski jokes is that there's just no
Useless Daydreaming Oddly enough, the Useless Daydreaming Method of watching The Jay Leno Show is actually more depressing than the puppy torture thing. With Useless Daydreaming, you get to sit back and think about how great it would be if someone else had Jay's job...
No one is more aware of cliches than Norm MacDonald, and no one is better at flipping and deconstructing them. He'd mess with all the stale conventions that modern late night talk show hosts for some reason feel forced to use, he'd have the best guests, because everyone in comedy loves him, and I bet he could put on some decent skits, too. He wouldn't let a bunch of celebrities pointlessly and heartlessly plug whatever project they were working on, he just wouldn't allow it, because he can't even give a shit. So many late night hosts try to ape a late night host of the past, like they're afraid of doing something new. But Norm MacDonald, man, he would tear shit up. Everyone just think about it, right now, think about what a Norm MacDonald-hosted talk show would be like. Yeah. Ooh, also I'd love it if Bob Newhart had a talk show. Sigh. Oh, also, speaking of things that are better than Jay Leno, I'd like to point something out. Let's imagine, for a moment, that
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