The heads are, apparently, a pain in the ass for the assistants to prep. They're difficult, uncooperative, and they leak mucus all over the place when they thaw. It's all detailed in this fantastic comment left on a Jezebel post, written by someone who claims to have been that assistant.
I know it's just a comment from a random person on the internet, but I really hope it's all true. When I'm dead I want my head to be the captivating star of a show, and I want to be a pain in the ass to work with, like all the actors who churn out great performances but throw a fit when their massive trailer's pinata isn't filled with eclairs like it's supposed to be every Tuesday. When I'm dead, I want to make an assistant cry. Not because I'm an a*****e -- because my severed frozen head is an a*****e.
You know what? Now I'm kind of looking forward to death. f**k it. Death ain't s**t. Bring it on! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, BOMB! COME AT ME, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR AN EXOTHERMIC REACTION! GO AHEAD! BLOW UP! I'LL BE THE GODDAMN MARLON BRANDO OF THE 12TH ANNUAL SPRING RHINOPLASTY CONFERENCE IN THE HONOLULU MARRIOTT. I DARE YOU: MAKE ME A STAR, BOMB!
EDIT MADE POST-PUBLICATION: Yeah, so, about that whole "me challenging death to take me" thing: Well, just before the bomb went off, I found this link to a WikiHow page titled "How To Survive An Explosion." It's so stupid. The first entry basically just says, "Did something explode? Man, you should get away from it probably." But it worked. I'm alive because of it! This is amazing! Not because I lived, but because this is the first time a WikiHow guide has ever been useful.
Luis is Googling "How to chop down fools with karate moves" in case he ever finds the person who planted a bomb on his column. In the meantime, you can find him on Twitter, Tumblr, and on Facebook.
Check out the exploding office chairs in 6 Things That Shouldn't Explode (But Did Anyway) and learn why you should never cut the wire in 5 Ways Movies Get Bomb Defusing Wrong (An Inside Look).
Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see how explosion obsessed Hollywood can be in 6 Bizarrely Specific Trends in Hollywood History, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook because you shouldn't let your parents stop you from being the person you always wanted to be.