âCelexa: Ask your doctor if awesome lightning powers are right for you!â âNo, theyâre not really electric itâs just-" âSo what youâre saying is, I stop dosing up on half a bottle of this crap every morning, and I just suddenly get lightning powers like the Emperor from Star Wars? Fuck yes! Medical science is tits on toast!â Now that I had lost momentum on the knob-sack, I knew I couldnât get it up and going again before the doctor could make a move on me. I saw the same realization dawn on his face, and we both broke for the door simultaneously. He got there first, but as our hands touched a bolt arced between us and he went down like a tazed fish. âFuckinâ sweet!â I yelled, staring awestruck at my own sparking hands. âWhâ¦ how did you? Itâs not real! It doesnât work like that!â He was clearly having trouble understanding basic biology, so I shot him with another burst. I heard somewhere that violent electric shocks really boost your learning capacity. Sesame Street, I think it was.
"Electricity helps you learn, and burning helps you grow!"As I emerged from the doctorâs office, I saw the usual security contingent waiting for me. Doctors, man! Ainât that always the way? You gotta wait in line all day, reading outdated magazines and sitting on paisley chairs, and then 14 unprovoked assaults later and all of a sudden youâre under arrest. Typical. âIn the interest of sport,â I hollered down the hallway to the waiting police officers, âI feel pressed to inform you gentlemen that I just quit Celexa and now I control lightning.â âThatâs not what he meant,â the nurse poked her head around the corner, âitâs just the sensation of ele-â âSILENCE FOOLS!â I thundered, both metaphorically and literally. Lightning bolts raced from my hands and traced the doorways in jumping arcs as they traveled down the narrow hall, âELECTRONICO SPEAKS NOW.â (I figured I should probably be called Electronico from that point on).