You'll need this due to the slim chance your dreams may come alive in the real world, like that one movie with the guy, or those holodeck episodes of TNG. The machete doesn't have to be fancy - if you're a regular Cracked reader, you can probably just use your regular machete. _____ Tip 1: Keep a Dream Journal I'm not going to lie to you: This is going to be pretty lame. You could make your own capes, or get in earnest discussions with other people about Sailor Moon, or be writing a novel that features yourself making out with Sailor Moon and talking about capes, and keeping a dream journal would still be the lamest thing you've ever done. But there is a reason for it. Basically, you keep it beside your bed while you sleep, so that the moment you wake up after a dream, you can immediately record what you recall. By noting down what you recall and referring to it later, you'll get a sense of the recurring people, places and themes that feature in your dreams. This will help measure your progress, and will be used in later steps below. It's also a good way for the authorities to piece together what on Earth motivated you to do whatever it is you're no doubt eventually going to do, violently and with little warning. "He seemed like such a nice young man, but then the police said he kept a dream journal, so now I don't know what to think. I guess I mainly feel bad for the person who has to clean up all that dog semen." _____ Tip 2: Plan Ahead As I'm sure you've experienced, we tend to dream about people and activities that we regularly deal with in our actual lives. So if you're in school, you'll sometimes have dreams about homework assignments, or if you're a census worker you might dream about placing radio transponders in the body cavities of anesthetized people. Based on that, our first trick then is to "pre-load" your mental state to try and encourage a specific type of dream. Let's say you want to dream about flying. In that case before you go to bed, you'd try reading books about flying or looking at pictures of clouds or autogyros. Want to dream about pirates? Keep a parrot by your bed. Want to dream about making a fortune? Train your parrot to whisper