Pokemon Go was just released, and those who downloaded it on the first day were often greeted with this:
"Haha, you thought today was going to be fun!"
It was an omen of despair. I rebooted the app over and over again in frustration, forgetting that when trillions of people are all trying to play a new phone game on its opening day, there may be a few kinks to work out. The game would eventually bring groups of people together in a way that hadn't been seen since war was invented, but initially, I couldn't wrap my brain around why Pokemon Go didn't want to just go along with the f*****g plan and cover all of my emotional needs. I was forgetting one of the prime themes of Pokemon: You will always want what you can't have.
If you ask people what their dream Pokemon game is, they'd probably reply with either A) An RPG-style game on a non-handheld Nintendo console or B) an official Pokemon MMO. Now, both of these forget two huge problems. The first is that owning a Nintendo console that was made after the GameCube is like putting "I name all of my knives after famous clowns, and vice versa" on your resume. The second is that releasing a Pokemon MMO sounds less like fun and more like a Purge specifically designed to cause desk chair owners to die of malnutrition. People want these so badly, and the closest we've ever gotten to either are games like Pokemon XD: Gale Of Darkness, a title that smashed together every message board username I had at 13 with a plot that I would've written around the same time.