Seriously, someone has to help you with the handcuffs.
The ins and outs, as it were, of feminist sexual theory could fill this entire website, but the point is that putting parameters on any sort of freedom of choice is kind of an oxymoron. To say "own your sexuality, but not if you like leather," or "own your body, BUT NEVER LET THEM KNOW YOU HAVE BOOBS!" defeats the purpose.
Anytime I call myself a feminist, it's guaranteed that someone will say, "Oh, you're one of THOSE." If not with words, they'll say it with their eyes. We can argue until we collapse on our fainting couches that being "one of THOSE" isn't a bad thing, but a whole lot of people sure don't want to be one.
It's like admitting you're a Redskins fan.
Focusing on semantics is just a way of not focusing on the issues at hand. According to a Huffington Post poll -- and that's about as liberal as you're getting, kids -- 82 percent of Americans believe in gender equality, but only 20 percent refer to themselves as feminists. On the one hand, yay! An overwhelming majority of people want the same things as us! On the other hand, there's clearly an issue here, and it's an issue that keeps people from joining the causes that actualize those things, for fear of being lumped in as "one of those." Maybe for a lot of the reasons I've just told you.
I don't know the solution. HeyTreatPeopleOfDifferentGendersEquallyism doesn't have quite the same ring to it. All I know is that, guys, it's gotten way too complicated. I remember when I was eight, playing Star Wars with the neighborhood kids, and telling them that I was Han Solo. It's not that I didn't like Princess Leia -- she stood up to Darth Vader, always knew what was going on, and was the type of badass that made me think it might be fun to be a princess. It just wasn't my scene. I wanted to fly the Millennium Falcon and have a Wookie best friend. One of the boys said, "but he's a boy," and I said, "so I'll be the girl version," and boom, I was Han Solo. Try to stop me. Luckily, no one did, because I'm Han Solo, chief, I'll mess you up.
And I will shoot first.
I keep thinking of that story because it shows how easily I, and other kids at and around my age, could have gender equality. I was a girl, doing what I wanted to do, which didn't stop anyone else doing what they wanted to do, and it was fine. It was simple then, and it could be now. If a name isn't working, try something else. If it turns out the definition of womanhood isn't so clear-cut, adjust. Because we need those women. We need conservative women. We need women who love showing off their bodies. We need women who love covering it up. We need everyone who wants to advance the rights of people of all genders for any reason. Chill the damn out.
Angela Di Filippo cares about a lot of things and is on Twitter.
The proliferation of beer pong and craft beer may have you think that we're living in one of the peak times to get drunk, but humans have been getting famously hammered for millennia. Like a frat house's lawn after a kegger, history is littered with world changing events that were secretly powered by booze. The inaugural games of the Roman Coliseum, the drafting of the US Constitution and the Russian Revolution were all capped off by major parties that most attendees probably regretted in the morning.
Join Jack O'Brien and Cracked staffers Carmen Angelica, Alex Schmidt, Michael Swaim, plus comedian Blake Wexler for a retelling of history's biggest moments you didn't realize everyone was drunk for.
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For more check out 5 Ways Modern Men Are Trained to Hate Women and 7 Reasons So Many Guys Don't Understand Sexual Consent.
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