So it seems Bob Dylan just did a car commercial. And not just any car commercial, but an ad for a gas-guzzling 2008 Cadillac SUV. I think that's awesome. I mean, it's just like when he went electric at the Newport Jazz festival. But instead of being bold and brave and experimental, it's shameless and crass and whorey. This is just the kind of spirit-shattering news I've been waiting for to catalyze a mass suicide of any and all remaining hippies. I thought the last of the patchouli-drenched, cannabis-lovin' herd would have killed themselves after Dennis Hopper started doing retirement ads, but apparently some are still kicking. So, although possibly not true, I thought I'd share a few more facts to help guide the razor blade across the wrists of anyone still remaining in that tie-dyed community:

• For his services, Bob Dylan was paid ---not in money--- but with the tears of baby seals collected during their slaughter
• When the commercial shoot was over, Dylan kept driving aimlessly just to watch the ozone die.
• One of the conditions of Dylan's contract was that the car's CD player had to come equipped with an advance copy of Britney's new Blackout album
• Although cut from the final take, in an earlier version Dylan looked at the camera and said, "And the Cadillac's great for offroading over Abbie Hoffman's grave!"
• Dylan wanted to write a new verse for Blowin' in the Wind that goes "How many roads must a man walk down before he realizes he should be drivin' a kick-ass SUV," but Ford convinced him it was in poor taste.