1. I was gone for six weeks.
2. John Hughes died.
3. I am now in possession of the original candles from Sixteen Candles.And to answer your questions before you've even thought of them: Yes, there will be a new episode of Cracked TV come Monday; yes, I brought you back presents; and yes, he struggled. My god, how he struggled. What? Your presents? Well, scroll down my ducklings, and feast your eyes on this fine Whitman's sampler-style assortment of sketches from the Genius Camp 2k9 project. But be careful, one of them is coconut.
Whose job is it to solve crimes?
There is much to show you.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
If there's any institution that doesn't want us to know how much it messes up, it's the military.
The most unrealistic thing about fictional villains is that they don't get arrested until the plot calls for it.