1. I was gone for six weeks.
2. John Hughes died.
3. I am now in possession of the original candles from Sixteen Candles.And to answer your questions before you've even thought of them: Yes, there will be a new episode of Cracked TV come Monday; yes, I brought you back presents; and yes, he struggled. My god, how he struggled. What? Your presents? Well, scroll down my ducklings, and feast your eyes on this fine Whitman's sampler-style assortment of sketches from the Genius Camp 2k9 project. But be careful, one of them is coconut.
Plenty of everyday things have weird connections to the Nazis.
The thing about plot twists is that they almost never make sense on repeat viewing.
Sometimes the silliest goofballs get away with the vilest things.
The coolest thing about being famous is that you get access to other famous people just as interesting as you.