How I Spent My Summer Vacation, By Michael Swaim (Age 24)

Guess who's back? Back again? Swaim is back! Be my friend! And so on. That's just a taste of the dizzying, giddy, sexually confusing thrill ride that was my six week break from the hideous confines of Cracked.com. I'm not going to go into too much detail, as I presume most of you don't know who I am and the rest hate me, but let your collective deductive reasoning feast on these facts:
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1. I was gone for six weeks.

2. John Hughes died.

3. I am now in possession of the original candles from Sixteen Candles.

And to answer your questions before you've even thought of them: Yes, there will be a new episode of Cracked TV come Monday; yes, I brought you back presents; and yes, he struggled. My god, how he struggled. What? Your presents? Well, scroll down my ducklings, and feast your eyes on this fine Whitman's sampler-style assortment of sketches from the Genius Camp 2k9 project. But be careful, one of them is coconut.

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