1. I was gone for six weeks.
2. John Hughes died.
3. I am now in possession of the original candles from Sixteen Candles.And to answer your questions before you've even thought of them: Yes, there will be a new episode of Cracked TV come Monday; yes, I brought you back presents; and yes, he struggled. My god, how he struggled. What? Your presents? Well, scroll down my ducklings, and feast your eyes on this fine Whitman's sampler-style assortment of sketches from the Genius Camp 2k9 project. But be careful, one of them is coconut.
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.
There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.
Given everything we know, there's cause to be worried about these movies.