The 5 Disappointing Ways Game Of Thrones Could Possibly End

I know the show's never been about wrapping everything up in a satisfying way, but after trudging through seven seasons of barbed wire with our intestines hanging out, begging for anything nice to happen, would it really be too much to ask for the show to end with something resembling a triumphant victory?

On The Other Hand ...

Game Of Thrones has never been about "giving fans what they want." In fact, not only is it very deliberately the opposite of that, that's also PRECISELY why we love it. If all the show did was portray virtuous, likable characters triumphing over wormy cowards, then we'd just be watching some fairy tale from the '50s that would've lost our interest four seasons and a dozen unambiguous Jon Snow triumphs ago.

HBO
Victories that he would almost definitely frown through.

Ending the show with Jon and Samwell Tarly high-fiving and going "Ya did it, champ!" "No ... WE did it ...," followed by swelling orchestral music and a quick cut of all the Seven Kingdoms celebrating would be the biggest pulled punch in the history of fiction. Do we really want that?

How bold would it be if HBO's flagship series ended with the White Walkers just obliterating all of civilization? Or some other dark, insane twist that we didn't see coming? As much as we all love seeing Daenerys and Arya dish out badass revenge to utterly deserving shitheels, deep down, don't we crave for this show to piss us off and leave us throwing every remote, mouse, and game controller that we own at the screen until our dog gives us a "Whoa, relax dude" look? And we're all like "Shut the fuck up, DOG, you wouldn't UNDERSTAND!"

Chiemsee2016/Pixabay
"Until you can FETCH a comprehension of George R.R. Martin's magnum opus, you'll never understand."

Deep down, us GOT fans are really just powerful CEOs with a secret humiliation fetish, and this series is the escort we pay to walk over our testicles in stilettos. That's actually the tagline for the show's final season.

On The Other Hand ...

In a way, though, isn't this just as predictable? The show ending with a "SEE? Everyone's DEAD! It all meant NOTHING!" moment might come off as some hacky horror-movie plot that you used to think was super edgy when you were in, like, eighth grade, because it's awesome that the good guys lost and that's how life works (cue doorslam and some Pink Floyd album you just discovered).

The HilaryClark/Pixabay
It's how life works and it's how my fan fiction works. I am 13 and the world is my gritty oyster.

Do we really want the show to resist a traditional narrative just for the sake of it? It's not necessarily "cheesy" if a powerful, charismatic character organically triumphs within the story. That's not catering to the fans, it's just a plausible outcome. And I'm sure it wouldn't be some neat and tidy "They all lived happily ever after!" anyway. But fiction shouldn't get automatic "deep" points just for choosing to be "sad" (Happy = BOGUS COP-OUT, Sad = FUCKIN' REAL LIFE, MAN).

Counselling/Pixabay
"Crying is REAL life. Smiles are just for Disney movies and greeting cards." - Jon Snow, in my fan fiction.

Also, do we really believe that's how life works? That nothing matters and we're all gonna get trampled by ice zombies? We're all sitting here discussing a fun, cool Sunday-night fantasy epic that we're extremely passionate about. Let's not pretend to be fucking Lebowski nihilists.

We're certainly not looking for the show with the killer vagina-smoke-demons to lead the fight towards transitioning to single-payer healthcare (well, I personally am, but most viewers likely aren't), but a massive pop-culture platform like Game Of Thrones does have a unique opportunity -- and some might argue, obligation -- to at least hint at some sort of point beyond just "This is a fantasy world and none of this is real so when it ends, go back to real life and stop thinking about it." Why not use its unique position as an automatic shared-conversation to approach an issue in a subtle, non-confrontational way?

On The Other Hand ...

Is there any way that this wouldn't end up turning into a clunky, thudding nightmare? Even a well-conceived, well-executed social message would undoubtedly spawn dozens upon dozens of the most nauseating thinkpieces imaginable. And no corner of the internet would be safe, as they'd come both from people who can't wait to cram GOT GIFs into their pre-written arguments on barely-related topics, and from people who inevitably crack down on GOT for taking some "political stance," or whatever position they want to imagine the show has taken in order to get as mad at it as they want to be.

HBO
The dragon blew fire, CLEARLY making incisive commentary on global warming.

The show's primary obligation is to its characters and to its story, not to cram in winking allegories to real life in some inevitably inadequate way. That said, I didn't disagree with the sentiment when Hodor's last words were to turn to the camera and declare "end for-profit prisons!" But I'm not sure it completely fit the narrative.

An all-out Westeros Royal Rumble where any character could die at any time would have the potential to be the most amazing, ridiculous, nerve-wracking battle scene in TV or movie history. There won't be an opportunity for something like this again for a long, long time, so let's just go all-out.

On The Other Hand ...

Is that what Game Of Thrones is really about, though? Some of the battle scenes have been amazing, for sure, but is some massive CGI'd quick-cut-fest really going to feel like a fitting ending to such an intricately-detailed universe?

Obviously there'll be some battles in the final season, but do we really want this unique, developed genre epic to end with some obligatory action scene like every run-of-the-mill superhero movie we've seen a hundred times? The "big battle" scenes usually aren't even the best parts of superhero movies, and often feel like they're only there because the movie cost seven hundred billion dollars and it'll look like the producers laundered the money if that scene's not in there. But how different would a big GOT "final battle" type scene even be from the end of the Avengers films or Lord Of The Rings or any number of action franchises? There's only so much shit you can do with armies marching towards each other.

HBO
Make them march faster?

If we're rooting for GOT to resist slipping into some comfy, traditional-fantasy couch ass-groove, shouldn't we be hoping for a crazier climax or series of climaxes than some big battle scene we've already seen on the show a couple times? Answer: I genuinely don't fuckin' know, if it's not clear at this point in the article.