I don't usually give Big Lots much credit, because it looks like Kmart's afterbirth, but man, I was inspired. So without taking another step into the store, I drove back home, saved two of my singing bass plaques, and torched the house. The Ghost of Christmas Sarah will haunt me no longer.
There was no greeting of red or explosion of ornaments when I entered Kmart, and for a minute or two I fell into a blind panic. Was Kmart trying to make a statement? Wait, was this the home of the enemy?
Is the Ghost of Christmas Future showing me the horrible secular world of next year?
But as I walked around, refusing to make eye contact with anyone who might smell the gasoline that still lingered on my shirt, I began to notice a slight change.
What's this? A Santa figure? A yuletide warning of what's to come? Oh, I get it now! In the War On The War On Christmas, Kmart doesn't just storm the beaches, guns blazing. It hides in the shadows, choosing to strike only when the enemy feels safe. Vulnerability is its weapon of choice, and in that respect, Kmart is a highly trained assassin.
Tell me your secrets, tiny bearded man.