Your lack of effort is a disgrace to every eggnog-sipping soldier of Christmas that came to the mall to be bombarded with reminders that they need to start feeling enthusiasm fast. Otherwise, their kids are going to grow up resentful and agnostic.
A sparse menagerie of trees goes really well with child tears.
Get it together. I'm so mad right now that I ate the whole gingerbread cookie that I was holding, and I didn't have anything to wash it down. My throat hasn't felt this dry since the Clarence High School 20-year reunion, where I nervously asked Donna Bart to make out with me while my wife, Sarah, was getting something out of the car. For the record, Donna said no, which is fine because I totally wasn't going to do it anyway. I'm a good husband, and I just need to feel appreciated sometimes, Belk. It's like you don't even consider that other people have feelings.
I texted my wife a picture of my disappointed, flaccid penis and drove on.