This piece is written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Nobody enjoys flying. Sure, some people may claim to, but ask those same people if they enjoy watching TV from an envelope-sized screen while being violently shaken every 30 minutes, and suddenly you're the weird one. Our point is that people skills are difficult and flying isn't fun. But the following items should make at least one of those things a little bit easier.
This Duffel Bag
You never want to be the person holding up the flight as you flail about trying to fit your luggage in the overhead compartment. This weather-resistant, lightweight satchel will make your boarding time as smooth as possible, drastically cutting down the number of exasperated sighs coming from behind you. It features a toiletry kit, tons of pockets, and emergency paracord zipper pulls in case you find yourself in a Rambo-type situation. We've all been there.
This Kickstarter star is usually $200, but you can get it for $69.99.
This Portable Battery Pack
It never seems like a big deal when you spend your entire flight playing Angry Birds, but the moment you land and find that you barely have enough battery power to call an Uber, you realize you've made a huge mistake. Fortunately, you can grab a mobile battery like this monster 30,000-mAh power pack. Fitting easily in a luggage pocket, this juice box can charge phones, tablets, and MacBooks, meaning you can fire birds at pigs the whole flight long. Not literal birds and pigs, though. It's not a miracle worker.
Get it for $59.99, and save over 50 percent off retail.
The worst-case scenario on a flight (aside from it suddenly ceasing to be a flight) is that you're stuck next to an incessant talker. Luckily these headphones will block out all that mindless chatter, and happen to deliver crystal-clear sound quality to boot. And for all you hipsters out there, the solid wood ear cups will give you the aesthetic of the world's most awesome lumberjack DJ, which no doubt completely sums up the look you're going for.
Grab them for $69.99, and save over $100.
This Ultra-Rugged Lightning Cable
Engineered with braided ballistic military-grade nylon, double-thick protective PVC jacket, extra-thick wire gauge, and a robust Kevlar core, Nomad has built these cables to quite literally take a bullet and keep on trucking. You probably won't need them to take bullets (unless you're awesome), but it sure is nice to know your cable won't break getting pinched between the seat and another passenger's excess back fat.
Get this ultra-rugged cable for $29.95, and keep your gadgets happy.
This Anti-Theft Luggage
You know the scene. You want to hit the bathroom before boarding, but you don't want to drag your suitcase into a room that hospitals would mark "WARNING: ENTIRE ROOM SCHEDULED FOR INCINERATION!" You also definitely don't want to leave it unattended and risk giving someone an opportunity to explore their "Hey, free suitcase!" impulses. Thankfully, this bag has lockable zippers and tear-proof fabric to stop wannabe criminals from getting their greasy mitts on your miniature toothpaste ... that you clearly stole from the hotel you just left.
Get it for $99.95, and save $140 off the sticker price.
This Weatherproof Lighter
It's good to be prepared. So if your travel plans go off the rails and you find yourself sleeping in a backwoods campsite and not the five-star luxury hotel that grandma insists she booked, then you're going to be glad you brought this lighter. A true survivalist just needs to rub some sticks together for a few hours to get a campfire going. For the rest of you desk jockeys, this wind- and splash-proof plasma lighter will have you cooking beans in no time with its rechargeable electrical beam. Plus it's TSA-approved, so you can bring it through security without getting treated like you're carrying nuclear material.
Usually, $99.99, pick it up for $15.95.
This Armored Luggage Set
Airport employees tend to treat suitcases with the same dignified grace of a farmer chucking manure. If you want your souvenirs to survive the trip home, then you're going to want to pack them in a suitcase with a reinforced protective shell. Since you don't have a tank, this luggage is the next-best thing. This set includes a trio of security-friendly bags appropriate for carry-on, mid-size, and checked luggage.
Get all three for $249.99, and save over $500 off retail.
These Bluetooth Earbuds
Few things are more frustrating than getting your headphones jerked out of your phone, especially when you are constantly shouldering and un-shouldering a backpack. These wireless earbuds will free you from your musical leash and survive the dripping sweat from sprinting to a plane at the last possible second to confess your undying love over the swell of a romantic soundtrack.
Grab these moisture-resistant buds for $24.95, 72 percent off the regular price.
This Outdoor Speaker
Sure, getting in touch with nature is nice, but the main reason most people go camping is so they can get drunk outside without having to explain to cops why they just peed on a tree. If you choose to indulge, we recommend you do so responsibly, and we also recommend you add some music to the party. This lightweight Bluetooth speaker has IPX6 water resistance and lasts over eight hours on a single charge, meaning there's no amount of drunken camp party antics it can't handle.
Reduced from $99.99, get it now for $29.99.
This iPhone Headphone Adapter
In a long line of inspired brilliance, removing the headphone jack from the iPhone 7 was one of the less courageous things Apple has done in recent years. But those Silicon Valley succubae know how we can't resist the new shiny, so here we are in dongletown. We're willing to bet you already lost your remote earbuds, but not to worry. This cable lets you do the unthinkable: charge your iPhone and listen to music at the same time. Eat it, technology!
Get it for $21.99, and save over 50 percent off the usual cost.
Just what is it that makes funny people stop being funny for a living?
Being a household name doesn't exactly make someone a role model.
Forget 'morale-boosters,' we'd rather have the money.