Did you even think of me? No, you weren't thinking at all, because your head was in the clouds.
I miss the way things used to be, when it was the one-armed man who did bad things. But now the one-armed man inside of you has taken the stick, and clearly he can't fly good, because he only has one arm. There was a time when I could trust you to be president of the United States and take over Air Force One from terrorists. But now I feel like you're trying to be the actual president on Air Force One.
When I was being bullied in school, you helped me through by constantly reminding me that someone who had been in Star Wars could still get laid, so my chances after just watching it a bunch of times were pretty good. But all that changed in 1999, when you tried helicopter for the first time and nearly killed yourself and your helicopter dealer.
I thought maybe almost dying would be a wake-up call to you, but it only got worse. The very next year, you were forced to make an emergency landing. But you kept doing plane! And then the worst -- in 2015, you crashed. It was too much plane for you. You'd been doing plane for years and thought you could handle anything, but you couldn't. Not this time.