Helicopter Hunting: The Best Thing a Conservationist Can Do
Like an impulsive and eccentric artist, Mother Nature only concerns herself with the aesthetic. Flowers, fall colors, snowshoe rabbits -- these are all well within her wheel house, but she's no good with logistics. She built a faulty system that's very pretty, but still faulty. Not all species are equipped equally for life; some blink out of existence before they ever really get chance to evolve while others won't stop reproducing and hogging all the resources for themselves.Just imagine how many rats live there, ruining everything. Fortunately, humanity has stepped up to do the dirty work. We are the number crunchers for the environment, making sure that just the right amount of elk, bighorn sheep and other animals that threaten to drown us in offspring are still standing at the end of each winter. If it wasn't for humanity keeping Mother Nature's unbridled fertility in check, who knows how many forests we would lose to the insatiable white-tailed deer, how many streams to the thirsty bear, or golf courses to the reckless goose. People are the only species diligent enough to do the work Mother Nature is too lazy and cowardly to do herself. Hunting is more than a sport, it is the task of heroes. I know because I watched my new best friend, Shane, kill 137 pigs from a helicopter with an assault rifle this past fall.I found Shane in a magazine called
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For more of Soren's attempts to blend in with society, check out My Ill-Fated Attempt to Save a 'Suicide Girl' and Oh Canada: Exploring America's Majestic, Pointless Neighbor.