Okay, Why Are You Here?
That's also not important. Hope this clarifies everything; I'll be on my way now.
I've Dialed 9 and 1...
Okay okay okay. We'll start over, what are some questions you'd like answered?
How Did You Get In My Damn House?!
Easy. One part know-how, one part elbow-grease, one part ingenuity, and one part I-broke-in-through-your-skylight. Figured you'd be out shopping for Black Friday deals all morning so I was free to make as much noise as I wanted. That's probably why your master bedroom smells like hot farts and curse words.
Why Are You Naked?
Why is anyone naked, you know? Aren't we all, on some level, always naked, and also never naked? But on a more hometown level, I'm naked because I used my clothes to put out a fire someone started in your linen closet.
Did You Start-
Yes, I started a small fire in your linen closet. I'm not used to staying somewhere so fancy, I had no idea what a linen closet was. Assumed it was a primitive stove, etcetera etcetera, this part's boring, let's move on, next question.