This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
We always knew that the future would be cool, but we didn't think it'd be so generic-looking. Every new product resembles the love child of an iPhone and a slightly more squarish iPhone. Remember when technology used to be funky and full of quirks? Well now you can satisfy those nostalgic cravings for Jetsons tech by picking up a retro-style Bluetooth speaker like the Lofree Poison.
Although it's retro, the Lofree Poison is still a modern, high-end speaker. So you get all the benefits of something that looks really vintage without the drawback of having to fix it every six seconds because neither God nor man ever planned for something that was made in 1972 to still be used by 2018 hipsters.
Here are three reasons the Lofree is a perfect speaker for anyone:
Not only does the Lofree Poison radiate nostalgia with its classic look, but it's also portable and small, so you can take it anywhere. This is a sharp contrast to your "cool" vintage record player and speaker set that weighs roughly eight tons. It even has a rotating dial and FM radio so you can scan the waves just like you did when you were a kid.
Although its biggest asset is its design, the Lofree Poison also delivers incredible sound thanks to the Waves MaxxAudio Acoustic Solution (Waves earned a Technical Grammy because of how good their stuff is, so this isn't just a haphazard namedrop). Its enhanced bass driver and ultra large diaphragm pump out a big sound without sacrificing mids and trebles. (For those of you who aren't music nerds, its important to know that it actually isn't all about the bass.)
The most significant concern with a small wireless speaker like this is power, but the Lofree Poison delivers with up to six hours of battery life. For a speaker of its size, that's pretty unreal. The 2,000 mAh battery is also rechargeable, and you have the option of connecting via Bluetooth or using the provided aux cable, so there's a lot of versatility in its performance. As far as volume, the Lofree Poison contains 20-watt amplifiers, so it easily fills any room and sounds even louder than other speakers of this size range.
Lofree was funded on Kickstarter by backers who believed in the technology enough to donate almost $200,000. While the Kickstarter price is no longer available and the Lofree Poison normally costs about $120, we're putting it up in the Cracked Store right now for just $79.99, a 32 percent discount.
And keep expressing your inner Party Rock Animal with Headphones for the Post-Election Apocalypse.