This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Remember the '90s, when we played video games alone? Our thumbs would chafe from button-mashing against an unbeatable AI, and we'd develop lockjaw from ungodly stretches of time without human interaction. That's why we became writers. Marathon stretches of Link's Awakening and Banjo-Kazooie have removed our ability to speak.
They were dark times indeed, but nowadays video games are all about the online experience, and thank the pixelated gods for it. Popular titles like Overwatch, Dark Souls, and Destiny 2 don't even work unless your WiFi is connected, as if to say, "If you're going to spend 12 hours staring at a screen, you should be psychologically required to at least be shouting at someone." But aside from that, opening games up online pushes the replay value to infinity, because while you'll eventually tire of beating the single-player AI, you'll never tire of showing that mouthy 12-year-old in New Jersey a game over screen.
Basically, owning a console without having an online subscription is like buying a microwave without any Hot Pockets. There really isn't any point. And by clicking this article, you just won the frickin' jackpot, because the Cracked Store can offer you a killer deal on Xbox's premium online subscription. Get three months of Xbox Live Gold for just $17.99 (a $24.99 value). So pick it up now, and show those obnoxious kids how a real gamer plays. (Ha! Just kidding. The nine-year-old you're insulting in Dragon Ball FighterZ is going to massacre you.)
For some great ways to spruce up your game room, check out 5 Types Of Gamers And The Cracked Store Items That Suit Them.
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.