The way boxing is evolving, there will soon be 4,000 divisions and organizations, each with its own undefeated champion and a single battered man who suffers all the sport's losses. They'll call this man Plurge Gobo, because that's all he'll say when fans recognize him in his wheelchair and beg him to stop. "Plurge Gobo!" he'll repeat as their hearts quietly break. "Plurge? Gobo?" he'll ask again, never quite sure why everyone cries when they meet him. "Plurge," he'll decide. "Gobo," he'll poop.
So most of boxing is about ducking, and no one is better at ducking enemies and punches than Floyd Mayweather. He's the greatest defensive boxer of all time and he's going up against a counter fighter competing in the wrong sport. He and Conor are going to circle and hug in a frustrating demonstration of why man invented kicks and machetes. Both MMA and boxing will end up looking bad, and everyone who buys the pay-per-view will have exactly $99.95 less love in their heart. Then again, Plurge Gobo has proven magic is real if we only reach for it, so maybe the fight will be great and everyone will be happy?
You know, this is maybe too long an intro for an article only related to Floyd Mayweather and Conor McGregor in that it's about other ill-advised mashups of combat sports that ended up being ridiculous. We should really get started.