Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon have shown us that whenever there's a ridiculous war in the future, a brave hero from Earth's present travels there to win it. I thought that I could apply this scientific process to help win a ridiculous war raging today: the War on Christmas. So I pulled Frosty the Snowman from the past and put him on the front lines. His brave adventures begin immediately after double Hitler, a terrifying side effect of my time violations. Hitler Hitler:
Being a household name doesn't exactly make someone a role model.
Forget 'morale-boosters,' we'd rather have the money.
Trends among women trigger a level of contempt that's way beyond what is deserved.