Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon have shown us that whenever there's a ridiculous war in the future, a brave hero from Earth's present travels there to win it. I thought that I could apply this scientific process to help win a ridiculous war raging today: the War on Christmas. So I pulled Frosty the Snowman from the past and put him on the front lines. His brave adventures begin immediately after double Hitler, a terrifying side effect of my time violations. Hitler Hitler:
Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.
The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.
It's easy to work the system and win these awards even if you don't deserve them.