Did you ever watch two really great, (though unrelated), movies and think "These would be even better if, instead, they were just one movie?" Of course not. Youâre not an idiot. Also, you probably donât work for Hollywood.
Due to the success(?) of the latest Halloween
as well as the success (!?) of 2003's Freddy vs. Jason
, Paramount and Newline are teaming up to develop not only
Freddy vs Michael Myers, but also Freddy vs Jason vs Michael Myers
These movies will hopefully clear up the unanswered questions left by
Freddy vs Jason
, (specifically, âWhy did this movie get made?â). Nothing says "We havenât bled these franchises dry yet" quite like having Mike Myers resurrect Jason for no fucking reason. Why not go all in and have the whole thing take place on Wolfmanâs birthday?
After the jump, youâll notice a few similarly inappropriate movie posters to distract you while I complain.
This crossover flick is particularly disappointing due to the current state of things over in Hollywood. In case you werenât aware, Hollywood is engaged in a staring contest with
a very huge strike
. The Writers Guild of America just recently voted to approve a work stoppage that would be effective Nov 30th when their contracts expire, and itâs incredibly likely that the Screen Actors Guild and the Directors Guild of America will join them in the summer. Thatâs right, folks. All of the actors, writers and directors would go on a simultaneous vacation of undetermined length, which would mean youâd have to go back to reading books, going to see original plays in community theater, or even talking to your family.
In preparation for the strike, a whole lot of TV scripts are being written and a shit ton of movies are being rushed into production, to be released during the possible break. Hollywood is hoping to have enough movies that, should this strike happen, they wonât miss a beat.
They are signing deals all over the place because they might not get a chance to soon, so theyâd better make them count. [Itâs why theyâre rushing The Justice League movie into production, despite the fact that the Batman and Superman franchises just had recent jumpstarts and also that no one gives a shit about Martian Manhunter.]
So hereâs the question: Youâre seriously at risk of not making another movie for a very long time. You are tasked to make a movie that, in all likelihood, may be your last. Would you make a nonsensical, forced crossover with two mask-wearing slashers? Honestly, Hollywood, we appreciate that youâre trying to build up a heaping stockpile of movies to present in case of a total work stoppage but, really, if all youâre going to do is jam a bunch of preexisting characters into one movie, well...donât do us any favors. If our choices are