He has cleverly concealed this hideous plot in the form of a program that proposes to give tax breaks to college students in exchange for performing some community service. The Farthest Right are justifiably outraged about this, because clearly, this is exactly like slavery:

Making college kids do work at a soup kitchen on Saturday mornings in exchange for thousands of dollars in financial aid? My god, this is – this is just like that one time, remember? When they rounded up all the black people and worked them to death in the fields, giving them absolutely nothing in return? This is, in every conceivable way, exactly the same thing as that. Except that this time the people that suffer won’t be African-Americans, but the polluters and energy wasters.

It’s like an episode of Reverse Captain Planet, where eco friendly death squads roam the streets and it’s all up to a plucky band of wasteful, but good-hearted Young Republicans to learn the power of teamwork and stop them. But some posters don't see this light-hearted, cartoony side, and instead fear the much more ominous possibility that enlisting teenagers to assist the local community could also give Obama unfettered access to his own private army. It’s a civilian draft!

So supposing that’s true, why exactly is that threatening to…anybody? The entire point of a draft is to recruit civilians, teach them how to fight, and send them off to war. If you skip that whole ‘teach them how to fight’ step, all you’ve really got is a bunch of dudes that have to hang out where you tell them. It’s more akin to having pledges at a frat house than an elite fighting force capable of world domination.

Say hello to your new overlords. What, you haven't heard of them? Psh. Yeah, you wouldn't have.

But even assuming Obama does use this proposed bill to gain access to a top-secret army of left-leaning twenty-somethings - that just begs another question: What are you more afraid of? Their deadly mastery of the Liberal Arts, or their uncanny ability purchase ironic T-shirts?

That’s right: All homosexuals are lethal, efficient, unceasing serial killers. What, you don’t believe me? Have you ever tried anal? Well if you had, you would know all about the murderous blood-frenzy that overtakes you immediately afterwards - turning you into a flaccid, naked berserker - murdering and flaying all about you with your supernatural Gay-Rage Strength. Y’know, this mentality really helps to explain the trepidation that the Farthest Right traditionally have about homosexuality – all this time, they’ve just been getting gay people confused with the Incredible Hulk.

Holy shit…it all makes sense now! I’d be against Hulk marriage too, that shit’s an Abomination!