Yes, Florida is actually trying to split into two
, with one half (presumably the one with Disney World) remaining a part of our glorious nation and the other (Universal Studios) sinking into the sea where it belongs.
And readers, I implore you: if you live in Florida, SUPPORT THIS MEASURE. Then move to a less shitty state. I hear Wyomingâs got room.
Letâs face facts. Florida is the wang of the United States for a reason: itâs a magnet for disease, usually smells bad, and at times (Spring Break, Mardis Gras, any other
Girls Gone Wild
-related calender event) itâs filled with wriggling white creatures who are just passing through.
Well, I say enough. Florida, don't let Cuba hit you on the ass on your way out.
And believe me, I donât take hate lightly; until now the only things Iâve hated are the chips and salsa at Mexican restaurants in Europe, dogs who act like they want it and then are all âyip yip yipâ when itâs time to get down to business, and Judd Apatow (Grr! I hate him so much! Grr!). So when I say âI hate Florida,â I say it as someone whoâs never gone near the hellhole and never will.
âBut Michael,â you ask in your effeminate voices, âwhy so angry?â
âShut up,â I answer, and then I ride away on my Harley.
But okay, just to humor you.
First off, if the liberal media I subscribe to is to be believed, you fuckers and your goddamned butterfly ballots stuck us with an idiot President and an expensive, highly fatal war in the Middle East, rather than just a boring, inoffensive President who invented the Internet. By my calculations, that means you owe us 500 billion dollars (