), the execution of Jeb Bush, and a public apology.
Secondly, they want to teach
their ugly, incestuous kids Intelligent Design. Intelligent Design is about as intelligent as the people in Florida, which is to say not very. Until religion can do any of the following things:
Make Cheetos, the cheesiest things ever, even cheesier.
Implant a phone in my arm.
Fulfill me spiritually (a service currently provided by a mix of Internet porn and The Office)
Fly me to the motherfucking moon.
make my Harley do wicked jumps.
Give me any reason at all to feel that I should put any stock in anything it says whatsoever.
Then it has no right being taught as science or, for that matter, even being presented to our children. Yes, that’s right; I am firmly against children even being
to religion at school.
Middle School is a place to lose
all faith in a higher loving power, and taking that experience away from our young people is just plain unfair. If I had to go through it, so should they.
Religion and school are like milk and gin; you can mix them if you want, but you’re just going to end up with a terrible taste in your mouth and a clogged kitchen sink. Alright, maybe that's not exactly
what it's like, but I didn't want to use a metaphor that would shoot over the heads of the mongoloid Floridian "readers."
Bottom line: Get the hell out, God. And if you've got a problem with that little scenario, I'll be waiting. You know where to find me (I presume).
Lastly, I was never that close to my Grandparents, and old people make me uneasy. What do they know that I don’t?
So do your duty, Americans (while you still are ones) and vote for Floridian secession.
It’s the right thing to do, and if you’re stupid enough to follow the advice of a Cracked blogger, you deserve no better.
Also, please feel free to list more awesome things that religion can't do for you!
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael makes enemies states at a time as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!
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