So here's what this all means:
The world was facing an energy crisis, when suddenly someone figured out how to harvest life force and matter into pure energy. Then Silph Co., which was at the time a failing power company, came up with a plan. They created the Pokeball, which can capture and store wild animals. Then they created a network of "Pokemon Centers," where Pokemon could be emailed around via underground cables for easy transfer. Then they hired people like Professor Oak to travel from town to town, encouraging kids to use these Pokeballs to capture wild animals for them. It's a worldwide eradication of animals in order to keep the lights on in the human world, and ...
It's All Your Fault
You might ask, "Why the secrecy?" Well, Pokemon are, for the most part, absolutely adorable, and what Silph Co. is doing to them is horrifying. They're torturing cute and cuddly animals every day in gigantic machines. That's some Nazi-esque shit right there, so they keep it quiet. If the average citizen in the Pokemon universe found out that's what's going on, there would be a worldwide revolt.
The Pokemon Company International
Luckily, they'd all be children, so they'd be easy to beat down.
So to cover up their moral void of a plan, they created the culture of Pokemon "trainers," Pokemon "capturing," and Pokemon "Battles." They told the kids that being a better trainer means owning more Pokemon so that they could get as many Pokemon-per-kid as possible. And it doesn't hurt that they're profiting off the sale of Pokeballs as well. They taught the kids to train the Pokemon to make them stronger, because stronger Pokemon can, it's fair to assume, be harvested for more energy. Then they told the kids to keep their Pokemon with Professor Oak (or whoever got them into it in the first place).
Eventually, those kids grow up. They get other interests aside from Pokemon, like having sex or watching Veep. They forget about all the animals they captured. Those animals sit in their balls, hibernating, until ... what? They're burned up? Maybe. We know they can become energy (remember the email thing?), and maybe that energy can be burned out. But if that's not the case, then the alternative is far worse. It's also possible that these Pokemon generators can only work if the Pokemon they are harvesting are enslaved. That they are forced to work, exert themselves, and be "healed" over and over again, until the moment the bliss of death finally comes. The truth is that from the moment you email them to Professor Oak, they begin busting their Pokeasses, 24 hours a day, in utter agony, for the rest of their natural lives. All to keep your consumer electronics buzzing.
The Pokemon Company International
You sick bastard.
And worst of all, you're the reason it happening. You, the trainer, unwittingly betrayed them. Because of you, the last raspy gasp of life from your most trusted Bulbasaur was spent only so that you could enjoy Julia Louis-Dreyfus's shenanigans while trying to fuck the cutie from your Econ class. Its blood-filled vomit represents your failed "Netflix and chill" night. Turns out this game about forcing animals to fight each other for your amusement was actually way darker than some Michael Vick dog fighting bullshit.
Learn the math behind Pokemon in 4 Creepy Ways 'Pokemon' Changed Since You Stopped Playing, and check out why Pokemon will destroy us all in 4 Reasons Pokemon Is the Scariest Alien Invasion Story Ever.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel to see more Pokemon theories in The Horrifying Dark Side of the Pokemon Universe, and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook, because it's the only way you can catch all of our posts, much like the proverbial Pokemon.