Fan Of Browsing The Internet? Get Yourself A VPN, Friend

This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.

If you use the internet (and don't lie to us, we know you're on the internet right now), you need to get yourself a VPN. It's the best way to make sure nobody steals your credit card information and uses it to buy a cigarette boat made of chocolate. But if one is looking to V, or to P, or heck, even to N, where do you start? Bam! How about any of these five VPNs that all have strong security features?

Surfshark VPN Subscriptions

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Besides having one of the raddest names for a program we've ever seen, Surfshark features built-in software to block unwanted ads and malware. You'll never again have to deal with Amazon eternally following you around the internet, asking you if you want to buy that pair of polka dot cargo shorts you accidentally clicked on that one time. Normally a three-year subscription to Surfshark costs $430, but today you can get one at 79 percent off for just $89.

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ZenMate Premium Lifetime Subscription

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ZenMate allows you to access location-based restricted content, so you can watch Canadian Netflix from the comfort of your Floridian apartment and hear all of the "aboots" you've been missing. Plus, ZenMate hides your IP address and blocks malicious sites, so you don't need to worry about anyone swiping your personal information or tracking your virtual movements like an evil robot detective. Normally a subscription to ZenMate Premium would set you back $840, but if you click here right now, you can get a lifetime subscription at 94 percent off for just $49.99.

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ProtonVPN Plus Subscriptions

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ProtonVPN is a Swiss-based VPN, meaning it gets to take advantage of Swiss laws governing privacy, which are some of the strongest in the world. (It also probably tastes great in chocolate form.) It uses ultra-secure AES-256 encryption to hide your browsing habits and information, and even if the encryption is cracked, your information can't be captured thanks to Perfect Forward Secrecy. It's like taking a cyanide capsule for your personal data. Normally a subscription to ProtonVPN Plus would run you $240, but if you click here right now, you can get a two-year subscription at 66 percent off, just $79.99.

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GOOSE VPN Lifetime Subscription

If you'd prefer that your VPN mask your IP address while using public hot spots and simultaneously be named after the best character from Top Gun, then GOOSE is for you. With GOOSE, you can enjoy concurrent secure downloads and browsing on multiple devices without any bandwidth throttling. Plus, GOOSE has a firm no logging policy, meaning no record of any kind is ever kept about any of your browsing habits, so no one will ever know how many times you've watched Magic Mike XXL. Right now, you can get a lifetime subscription to GOOSE VPN for just $39.99, a 95 percent markdown from the regular price of $899.95.

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Buffered VPN Two-Year Subscription

Buffered VPN is one of the fastest VPNs in the world, meaning you'll never have to wait long to download the new season of This Is Us and get caught up on your weeping. This will also eliminate lag in your game connections, and the federal government will never notice how good you are at Fortnite (which is a good thing for now, until jobs start listing it as a requirement). Normally, a two-year subscription to Buffered VPN would run you $311.76, but if you click here right now, you can get one at an 83 percent markdown of just $49.99.

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Already got a VPN? These 5 Items Are The Batmen Of Cybersecurity.

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