Surprised C-Bale at his house today at like 2 AM to go partying. He wasn't in the mood to party. We'll probably go tomorrow or whatever.
C-Bale was a little weird today, I don't know what his deal was. The thing was, he was doing this real close-up scene with this other guy in the movie and they were talking and arguing about the robots (or maybe the one dude was a robot), and it was all intense but I was thinking to myself like, "Yo, there's mad glare
comin' off C-Bale's head and whatnot," because there was mad glare, and it was real bright. And I'm all, "Who's in charge of that," but, check it, I'm
in charge of that. So, I didn't want to stop the acting or whatever so I just used myself to block some of the light because, and I'm not trying to kiss my own ass or anything, but I'm a totally
resourceful DP/light technician, everybody always says so. Some people would try to find blinders or splashers or whatever but I thought, "I don't have blinders or splashers, I just have me
," so instead of standing around like an idiot with my ass in my mouth looking for splashers, I just used myself to block the light, I wasn't even in the way.
Anyway C-Bale pulled me aside later, 'cause we're mad tight and all, and he's like, "I appreciate what you did but, in the future, I'd rather have a little bit of space while we're filming the scenes. I'm not at all trying to be rude or condescending, but it can just be a bit distracting when someone who isn't
in the scene shows up in the scene, do you understand?" And I didn't, but I'm all, "You the man, C-Bale! Bat Blimp!
" And he goes, "We didn't actually have a Bat Blimp," but it's cool, because we're totally tight.
We were having more lighting problems in the movie or whatever, so I had to step into the scene again
while my boy C-Bale was doin' his thing (thang
), and I messed with the lights and everything and I think it made the movie look literally a million times better because, and I'm not just trying to tickle my own balls here, I'm a totally great light designer. People are always coming up to me on sets like, "Seriously that was the best fucking lighting I've ever fucking seen in my entire fucking life and I'm like Steve Spielberg or whatever." Literally.
But then anyway, so I'm standing around set like right after I finished doing the lights and I'm like SHIT, because I remember C-Bale telling me about how it's distracting when someone's in the scene but not in the movie, or whatever. So I figured the only thing to do would be to, like,
pretend I'm in the movie
, right, so he'd forget that I was Shane the DP, and he'd think I was just one of the guys, chillin' out, fightin' robots. So that's what I did. I stopped being Shane the DP, and I started being one of his soldiers or whatever, chillin' out and fightin' robots. Check me out, doing both of those things:
Right? No lie, I've never done any professional acting before, but I think I nailed it. I was just like, "Okay, Shane-Dog, pretend you're kicking mad robots and shit" and then that shit just came out of me
like I'm Guy Pearce or whatever, kicking robots. I'm a really great DP and everything and I love my work, but if the right project came along I seriously think I might consider starring in a movie. Me and C-Bale were talking about doing a movie together. Or not talking about it, but we're gonna have a meeting together to discuss. I am going to mention it to him.
Yo, C-Bale is such a fucking dick.
He must've woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or he must've been on some
or something because he totally absolutely lost his shit today on set. I don't know what his
problem was. I
was just doing my job like I always do. It's like because he's a fucking "actor" or whatever he doesn't realize how important the DP is. If it wasn't for me, this whole movie would be totally dark and soundless and everyone would go to the theater and be like, "Hey, what the shit, this Christian Bale movie is like totally dark and soundless, what gives?" That's
why I'm around, to make sure the lights happen and everything. What I was doing
today was setting up his fucking lights.
That's my job. That's all I was doing. My job.
me if my job was getting in the way of your "acting" or whatever. And you know what's worse? I was cheering him on the whole time. No lie, I used to do Ultimate Frisbee in college (no lie, I was great) and it always helped me
when people would cheer me on. They'd be all, "Shane-Dog you're the man" and I'd be all, "I am" and then I'd rock ass at Ultimate like it was no big deal. So as soon as McDonalds shouted "ACTION," I started cheering on Christian because we're
and that's what bros do.
I was like, "Yeah! Act, Christian, you act the fuck
outta that scene! Act all over Ron Howard's daughter like it ain't no thing." So here I am, supporting my bro and setting up the lights because it's my job
, and out of nowhere
this dude flips out with his whole, "You're unprofessional and I'm Batman and we're done" bullshit. In front of everybody
. No offense dude, but I think it was you
who was unprofessional. I'm pretty sure there's no scene in Terminator
where John Connor is supposed to look at the DP and start screaming at him like a big stupid baby (but, no lie, there might be a scene like that. I didn't know what scene we were in and I still haven't read the script.). Seriously, Christian, it's cool 'cause we're bros now and everything, but you were, no lie, acting like a total Diva. He was whining and I'm like, "Bale? This dude's such a diva, it's more like BaleyoncÃ©,
am I right?" I mean, I didn't say that at the time, but you get the idea, he was totally being a divabitch superbaby. And I totally woulda kicked his ass, too, because you can't talk to me like that and I've been in a ton of fights, but he had, like, mad security guards happening and I'm not even trying to get quadrupled-teamed by a bunch of 'roided out security guards, so I'm like "Peace" and got fired and whatnot.
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