If youâre lucky, you have no idea who âBalloon Boyâ is.Â If youâre anyone else, you know that Balloon Boy is the boy that wasnât in the balloon, because his parents were just trying to get enough media coverage to finagle a reality TV show out of a network, like that wretched Octomom woman. All I have to say is, the more the internet and media latch onto Balloon Boy, the more likely it is his parents will get that TV show theyâve been lobbying for, and they do not deserve that TV show, even if it's filmed during their inevitable time in prison. So, please, letâs just get these jokes out of the way, move on, and forget this horrid âBalloon Boyâ thing ever happened. The Viral Video Mashup Any time the internet grabs a hold of something, it always feels compelled to put that thing beside all of the other things it has grabbed a hold of over the years. Seriously, YouTube should make a video called âChristian Bale Freaks Out While Grape Lady Rick Rolls The Keyboard Cat, One Cup,â and every time some new meme pops up, just tack it onto the end. Time should not be wasted on actually making these viral video mashups, so letâs just agree that maybe we donât need to see something called âBalloon Boy After The Dentist.â Balloon Boy On Different Websites
America Hey, Balloon Boy, where you at?
The News Yeah, lolz. You in that balloon?
Balloon Boy I canât tell you, itâs for a tv show.
Ballon Boyâs Dad Shhhhhh!
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CollegeHumorThe two things I can think of that CollegeHumor might do with this is something actually called âBalloon Boyâ where Balloon Boy is some kind of super hero. Maybe there would be jokes, but the production value would definitely be through the roof. They also might do some kind of song parody/music video. Maybe a parody of R. Kellyâs âI Believe I Can Fly,â because you already have the âflying in a balloonâ angle, and if you make it âI Believe I Can Lie,â you can get in some good stuff about the hoax part of the story. The videoâs production value would be through the roof. Theyâd also probably do the above Facebook joke.
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For some odd reason, the internet seems to be quite good at taking something already funny and using it for their own selfish gain. The worst offenders tend to gravitate towards the already-parodies-of-rap-songs songs of The Lonely Island. Youâd think doing a parody of a parody is pointless, lazy, and lazy again, but people seem to love to do it, not realizing that they themselves are the actual joke put on display.
Sample dialogue behind this variety of genius:
âI got this funny idea for a song. Itâs a parody of Amish Paradise. Itâs called Amish Paralyzed and itâs about-ââWheelchaired Amish people, yeah, I get it.â âRight, but it would be to the tune of-â â-Amish Paradise.â âRight, that parody of-â âGangstaâs Paradise.â âRight.â âThatâs brilliant.â âI also think we should do a Scary Movie-type spoof but all of the jokes would be about Blazing Saddles.â âLet me get my checkbook.â Iâm going to save the internet the trouble and do their work for them: The Accompanied Continent - I'm On A Balloon I hope thatâs enough for you, internet. Please stop talking about Balloon Boy. His parents do not deserve to have you talk about him. If you need one more, hereâs my joke about Balloon Boy. Itâs a one-question quiz that I think all news people should take before reporting on a story.
Where isnât balloon boy?
A) A balloon.
B) Not a box in the attic.
C) Either of the above.
Somehow, no one ever gets an âAâ on this quiz.
[Author's note:Â It fucking happened already.Â Sigh...]
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
The 'wellness' market is thriving right now.
Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.
There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.
Let's not get too crazy, kids.