This piece was written by the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Long ago, in the ancient past, we told the story of CompTIA A+ certificates. Legend had it that these certifications could help anyone achieve their dream of becoming IT professionals by providing them with classes, lectures, and explanations on the fundamentals of technology, all at a low price and with great flexibility. Naturally, we all assumed it was just a legend -- a bunch of superstitious hocus pocus passed from forum to forum, no more real than lizard people, astrology, or Banksy.
Turns out that not only are these lectures real, but the CompTIA A+ Certificates Bundle is available right here in the Cracked Store for just $59 -- 98 percent off the regular price of $4,329. How truly ironic that the greatest treasure was hidden right under our noses all along.
Just look at this stuff:
The CompTIA A+ 220-901
This certificate is a foundational qualification for your future IT career, helping you develop competence in areas like installation, preventative maintenance, networking, and customer service. The ancient knowledge contained therein can be relayed with over ten hours of content.
The CompTIA A+ 220-902
This class is a follow-up to the 901 certification. It harnesses arcane magic (lectures and charts and stuff) to teach you common hardware and software technologies in business.
CompTIA Cloud Essentials CLO-001
Almost all businesses are moving at least some aspect of their computing to the cloud, and as such, knowledge of cloud computing has never been more necessary as a professional skill. These classes, transcribed from a haunted book found in an abandoned library, will teach you everything you need to know about cloud IT services.
This class improves on everything you learned from cloud essentials. It was also transcribed from a haunted book found in an abandoned library, but that book was cursed.
CompTIA Linx+ XKO-002
This course crams months of practical Linux experience into just 14 hours of content, probably by using some kind of evil wizard spell. (Yes, we're going to keep this bit up.)
CompTIA Newtork+ N10-006
This certification confirms critical knowledge of media and topologies. It can only be obtained by finding a sage old man on the top of a mountain, or by buying the bundle.
No business can survive without cybersecurity, and you can be the one to run it after you complete this training. This one was found buried in an ancient tomb or something.
The Advanced Security Practitioner certificate builds on the skills from the previous certificate, preparing you for more advanced cybersecurity practices. Again, ancient tomb.
CompTIA Security+ STY0-401
There's so much to cybersecurity that there's actually a third class, transcribed from runes found in a lost city at the bottom of the Atlantic. Eight hours of content and 147 lectures will teach you the critical technical knowledge you need to keep a computer system safe.
CompTIA Security+ SY0-501
Just kidding, there's one more. This information was coded into the last message sent from the Curiosity Rover on Mars, right before it went silent forever. It covers the essential principles of cybersecurity and risk management.
CompTIA IT Fundamentals FC0-U51
This covers all your bases, including the standard stuff that didn't come up in the earlier classes but is still super important. Remember: "Don't knock the fundamentals." (Michael Jordan, probably, after encoding this class into the walls of a sacred temple.)
CompTIA Mobility+ MB0-001
As more and more of the professional digital world goes mobile, knowing how to get the most from your device gets more and more valuable. Luckily, that's what this last class covers. But beware, this course is literally haunted by the ghost of Alexander Graham Bell himself.
That's OK, though. Disconnect Will Make You The Speediest Ghost On The Internet.
Whose job is it to solve crimes?
There is much to show you.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
If there's any institution that doesn't want us to know how much it messes up, it's the military.
The most unrealistic thing about fictional villains is that they don't get arrested until the plot calls for it.