'Entourage' Is So Bad Pirates Don't Want To Steal It

Yo, does anyone know where I can find a good free copy of Entourage? I seriously can't find it anywhere. It's a movie based on a TV show, and it came out a while ago. Both are called Entourage. I want to stream it or download it and watch it at home, but I also don't want to pay money for it. I'm sure you understand. Any help would be appreciated. Although, if your advice is a Let Me Google That For You link, then you're going to be sorely disappointed (if you also happen to be interested in watching the Entourage movie online for free).

See, I Googled around for longer than I'm comfortable with, and I couldn't seem to find Entourage (film) for free anywhere online. Like, anywhere. Without divulging too much to the FBI about my online viewing habits, I've never had a problem finding a film or TV show online for free. Did nobody bother to pirate the Entourage movie, or am I just way worse at the Internet than I thought?

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"Yeah," nobody bothered? Or "Yeah," I'm worse at the Internet?

There are a lot of links advertised as being a free version of Entourage (film), but none of them are! I even tried Googling again a couple days after my initial quest, and still nothing. It's been out in theaters for almost two months, but no Entourage movie for free online? What gives? Anyone help me out with this? Maybe I'm not Googling it right?

I don't know how to be more clear.

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The first hit on Google is a Putlocker page, which was promising because they host many of the shows and movies that are available to us online for free every day. But the actual page is just a trailer for Entourage (film). I thought this was fine at first, because I got to watch the Entourage movie trailer again and enjoy it still. Also, usually on these sites people will just post the full links in the comments section. But the comments section was empty. So, like, where's the movie?

Unless this is a metaphor for the emptiness of the show, in which case how dare you.

I'm not the only person with this question. There's a Quora thread where a fellow brave soul asks where to find the Entourage movie online. Unfortunately, the top response is from the smartest person in this sentence, and all he does is post a link to Putlocker's homepage. So many hits are just to the trailers for the Entourage movie. Otherwise, they're just a series of links and ads that eventually lead to a trailer for Entourage (film). What gives, huh? What's givin'? I'm not even mad; I'm just absolutely furious. It wouldn't bother me if they just told me upfront that the link is only the embedded trailer for the Entourage movie. I still would have watched it again, and I still would have kept enjoying it, but I wouldn't have also expected to see the full movie, which I simply cannot wait to see online for free. And yet, everywhere I look, nope. How's come? Where's it?

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"Yeah" is not an appropriate response to being asked where something is.

This sort of thing isn't uncommon when searching for free online media, though. You're bound to get some false ads, dead ends, and continuous loops of links containing a bunch of ANY MOVIE-related words in all caps, often INSINUATING that the FILM is available for FREE ONLINE via DOWNLOADing or STREAMing. I get it; there are garbage links out there. But EVERY one? To EVERYwhere?

And for those who have been frustrated this whole time, thinking, "Torrent it, dum-dum," I tried that too. The only links available are for the trailers to Entourage (film), which is a movie that came out two months ago.

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Compared to a movie that came out a few days ago:

You know how everyone loves Ghostbusters and that one episode of Futurama? What if, stay with me,
they were, stay with me, terrible, and, stay with me, everyone hated it?

I've looked everywhere for this fucking movie. Please help. I don't think it exists anywhere online for free, but I would love for you to prove me wrong. Hit me up with some solid links. I've already seen the PDF version of the trailer, the FloorPlanner.com version that not only exists but is also just a completely empty floor plan, and the crowdfunded GiveForward.com version.

"Almost there!"

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More lies and false promises. Honestly, the only website for which I still hold any amount of fondness is Litmus.com, because their page just gave me this message:

Yeah, no shit.

And so I ask you, Internet: Hey yo, do you know where I can watch the Entourage movie online for free? Did absolutely nobody bother to pirate this movie for me? Is Entourage the ONLY movie that is not available for free online viewing? Why?

A random person on Facebook thinks that Entourage used a special anti-piracy watermark. Such a watermark exists, but that has not stopped any other movie from being available for me to watch online for free whenever I want. Even if Entourage is the ONE movie for which this worked, what's stopping some Dread Pirate Robots from buying a $10 ticket and filming it on his or her iPhone? Are you fucking kidding me? You're not going to pay $10 to film this movie for me? Is it that bad? It must be, because you can't say the demand isn't there:

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Why do you want to see us so sad, movie pirates? Why do you want to stop our fun? Just because YOU don't want to watch it, and just because ALMOST EVERYONE thinks it's a pointless piece of shit, doesn't mean everybody does. I'll let Entourage Movie Online For Free's GiveForward page explain it.

It is put very succinctly. Coulda used the word "do."

Maybe I don't need to go through all of this trouble. A buddy of mine said he managed to find a terrible torrent of someone terribly filming it on their terrible phone, but what I'm really looking for is at least a decent torrent of someone at least decently filming it on their phone iPhone 4S or better. And none of that shit where I have to register or take a survey or some fucking nonsense. I want a quick, easy, free, online Entourage movie experience. Maybe you know where to find it. Do you? Know where to find it? The Entourage movie? For free online? Let me know in the comments, or PayPal me 15 bucks so I can pay someone else 5 bucks to go pay 10 bucks to film the Entourage movie for me.

Cody's last column was almost a year ago and was about the Ferguson protests, so, you know, here's some bullshit about Entourage (film). He rarely uses his Twitter account, but he sure as hell has one. Also Tumblr. The end.

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