DONâT BE LIKE JESSICA SIMPSON!Oh, but before anyone gets too uppity, I should clarify: Iâm not telling you never to gain 10 or 15 pounds. Iâm not saying that only skinny women deserve love. No no no. That misses the point. Iâm saying donât be like Jessica Simpson. You know, donât be a no-talent shell of a celebrity with absolutely nothing going for you aside from your kicking body. Because guess what? Once that body goes, and it will go (as surely as Jessica goes for the last remaining Twinkie in her Costco-sized package of Hostess treats), youâll be nothing. The whole reason itâs wrong to define women by their appearance is because it unfairly overlooks all their more important talents, qualities and achievements. But in the case of Jessica Simpson, Iâm just not sure what those are. Wasnât her only talent the ability to unite 14-year-old boys and dirty old men in a mutual interest? Am I missing something? Calling Jessica Simpson tubby does not unfairly obscure our appreciation of her musical talents. I mean, I hear sheâs opening up for Rascal Flatts next week (yeah, I donât know what that is, either). And if she were a better actress, we probably wouldnât notice her difficulty in creating a waist even with two leopard print belts working overtime. But her former ability to wear Daisy Duke shorts is just not the stuff Oscars are made of.