Awesome Video Of The DayI Have A Bad Case Of Diarrhea
I always thought Japanese people were total badasses, what with the Shogun warriors and the Seppuku and all that, but apparently I was all turned around on the subject. It turns out that Japanese people are actually huge sissies who call an ambulance every time they get diarrhea.
Shouldn't the whole death-before-surrender thing come into play here? If you're Japanese, doesn't checking yourself into a hospital for your explosive diarrhea bring shame upon your family or something? Maybe I'm misinterpreting this whole thing. Maybe they're trying to learn the English for "I have a bad case of diarrhea" because they assume that traveling to an English-speaking country means they're almost certainly going to have to say it at some point. In that case, though, I'd assume that a Japanese person would pretend they DIDN'T have diarrhea to avoid imposing on anyone. You know - because it's rude. On the other hand, so is blasting diarrhea all over a bench at a bus stop. I'm pretty sure that's a rule of thumb no matter what country you're in.
Then again, what do I know? This video was the first time I've ever seen a Japanese person in my entire life.
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With Winter just around the corner, it's time to make preparations for the cold months ahead. You're going to want to load up on batteries and canned food and have an emergency plan for your family and all that, but more importantly, you'd better figure out what you're going to wear. Navigating the gauntlet that is Men's Fashion can be scary, but don't worry: I've done all the homework for you, and this week on the Cracked Blog I'll be bringing you my five top picks for the season.The Cracked Guide To Men's Winter FashionLabel: John GallianoMaterials: Leather, Steel, Wires, Blank CDs
Message It Sends To The World: "I am a Sun God from a distant post-apocalyptic future. Oh - and I'm wearing stuff I found in the garbage."
Metal headgear makes excellent lightning rod
Flux capacitor built into chest, will work if you can survive being struck in the head by lightning
Guaranteed free entry at any rave party
Muted earth tones ensure you don't look like a total asshole fucktard shithead