I must confess that, initially, I hated the idea. I hadnât tried collaborating with someone from Cracked since I wrote that Valentines Day skit with Those Arenât Muskets. I guess it turned out funny enough, but every time I shot down one of Swaimâs punchlines he would cry for hours until I stroked his hair and swore to him that one day heâd have a clip-based show on Cracked even more popular than Hate By Numbersâ¢. But in this economy, money is money, and if collaborating with my intellectual and comedic inferiors meant getting paid for a script well then, hey, I was up for it.
So last week, I called an emergency meeting at the Cracked House. Everyone was there on time, but only because of the false incentives I had provided: I told Jack OâBrien that the meeting was a rave where prizes would be given out to the partygoer who took the most X. I told Swaim the meeting was a tutorial on hairstyles that do NOT make you look like an 18th Century English lesbian. I told Dan OâBrien that I was giving a lecture on Dan OâBrien. And I told Robert Brockway that I was giving a lecture on Dan OâBrien (Chris Bucholz wasn't invited. Not because he isnât nice or funny, but because Iâm still not convinced âbeing Canadianâ is not contagious).
âOK, Gentlemen,â I began. âFirst, I have some bad news. I lied about what weâre here to discuss. I actually just wanted your help writing a movie. Before each of you is an excerpt from my script Working Man Triumphant -- my break out comedic performance where I play a man done wrong by the system.Â In this scene, our protagonist --me--Â is laid off by his uncaring boss, so he decides to seek revenge by opening up a rival business. Take a look.â