This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Are you into recording and/or producing your own music? Do you fancy yourself some kind of futuristic EDM Mozart? Do you own a laptop and are bored on a Tuesday? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then these training and software bundles are perfect for you. Each one is designed to turn you into a god of music, and we can help you get started right the heck now.
If you're looking to produce your own multi-disc EDM concept album and shock your peers to their very cores, then you're going to need to know how to use Ableton, the premier production software for electronic musicians. Noiselab offers 45 hours of instruction from Ableton-certified trainers and producers designed to teach you how to craft the sickest jams imaginable, whether you're trying to break out as a songwriter or start a lucrative career as a top-shelf producer. (Or both!)
Noiselab features video tutorials and online courses on music theory and production, as well as project templates to help demystify the process and in-depth lessons that actually break down popular hit songs and how they were made. Maybe you can finally get to the bottom of how Pharrell tricked everyone into liking Robin Thicke for a summer. Normally a lifetime membership to Noiselab would run you $1,140, but Cracked readers can knock 97 percent off that price and get one for only $29.
Future.dj Pro Music Mixer is essential whether you aspire to be a professional DJ or merely wish to turn your next house party into a dance club scene from a Michael Bay movie. Future.dj (which would also be a pretty rad name for an actual DJ) features three vertical waveforms that allow for easy alignment and real-time audio monitoring, plus eight inputs and outputs for seamless looping and sampling.
It also allows you to mash up tracks, mix video, do karaoke, and make song transitions in an intuitive, streamlined process, so you'll never be stuck on the 1s and 2s fumbling with your mixer in dead silence like some kind of hapless fool. Future.dj also has automatic BPM detection and smart-sync, allowing for your tracks to easily sync. Normally the Future.dj Pro Music Mixer sells for $129, but you musical Cracked readers can take a cool 85 percent off that price and get it for only $19.
If you want a complete education in music production but your parents don't own the necessary number of yachts to be able to afford the tuition, don't panic. You can still get a high-quality music production education with the Ultimate Music Production Bundle. The bundle includes seven courses and over 45 hours of instruction covering every single tool used by professional producers to record and produce music.
You'll learn how to use Logic Pro X, Ableton Live 9, and even Garage Band to become a mixing and mastering wizard. This bundle also includes complete courses on music theory and how to compose and produce music for film and television like some kind of John Williams clone. Normally the Ultimate Music Production Bundle sells for $1,100, but right now you can slap 96 percent off that price and get lifetime access for just $42.
Maybe you're like Prince and you use Pro Tools to mix recordings of you playing every instrument known to man, or maybe you just like to record your cats purring. Either way, you should check out Music Gateway. Music Gateway offers 1 TB of storage, so you can keep all of your work organized in one place, rather than scattered to the wind across several external hard drives.
Then you can use Music Gateway to pitch your songs (or cat melodies) to prospective clients. Who knows, you could be the next Drake, but decidedly less creepy. You'll also have access to daily job postings and a collaborative cloud work space that allows you to work with other artists on your projects. Normally a lifetime subscription to Music Gateway would cost you $6,480, but Cracked readers can knock 98 percent off that price and get one for just $79.99.
Want to rock out and boogie down to your finished music? Shake Your Groove Thing With These 6 Portable Speakers.
Forget 'morale-boosters,' we'd rather have the money.
Trends among women trigger a level of contempt that's way beyond what is deserved.
These stories remind us what unlimited wealth and power can do to a human being.