This piece was written by the people who run the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
The biggest sales day of the year is upon us, and rather than risk getting stampeded by a herd of rampaging shopping carts, why not spend the day at home snuggled up in a blanket and shopping online? We've even saved you the trouble of making conscious decisions by choosing all the best stuff. You're welcome. Cracked readers can save an additional 20 percent on these Black Friday deals for a limited time only by using code BFRIDAY20 at checkout.
FRESHeBUDS Ultra Earbuds
Aside from an impressive ten-hour battery life, these Bluetooth earbuds stay tangle-free thanks to embedded magnets. They also pair with your device when you pull them apart, and turn off automatically when they snap together. These headphones just get you that way. Plus, when you hold them side by side, they look like they're gazing at you in adoration. You can get them here for $49.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
Glowing iOS Lightning Charging Cable
Not only does is this glowing charge cable the perfect accessory for your holiday TRON cosplay, but the speed of light flow indicates how fast it's charging, allowing you to finally answer the age-old question "Is this charger working?" Pick it up from the Cracked Shop for 50 percent off, just $9.99. Note that the extra 20 percent off coupon doesn't apply for this product.
RevolCam: The Multi-Lens Photo Revolution For Smartphones
With this RevolCam lens attachment, you can finally step up the quality of your phone pics. It gives your device three new optical options. You can switch between wide-angle, macro, and fisheye with a flick of your finger. Its big LED lamp is also removable to allow for more creative, optimal lighting. Plus, you can pretend you're pulling off Voltron's head while you do it. Usually $59, we have it for $29.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
Sphereo X2 Speakers
These little noise balls might not look like much, but they can get surprisingly loud. Hide them in your pockets, houseplants, or couch cushions and play some eerie horror movie soundtracks to spook your friends. They charge wirelessly on their included hub, and cost just $29.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
FRETX Smart Guitar Learning Device
The FRETX is like Guitar Hero in real life. Just wrap it around the neck of your ax and play along with the colored lights to learn chords and scales. Lessons are provided by its companion smartphone app, and we promise that it won't throw things at you if you get the chord wrong. This musical learning tool usually goes for $110, but you can grab one for $69.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
Genius Pack Aerial Hardside Carry-On Spinner
This lightweight suitcase might finally convince you to stop packing your luggage in garbage bags, but you can cross that bridge when you come to it. In addition to weighing just over six pounds, it's got a separate compartment for dirty laundry, dedicated pockets for socks, underwear, and device chargers, and even a sleeve for your packing checklist. Pick it up at our store for $159.99, 35 percent off retail. Note that the extra 20 percent off coupon doesn't apply for this product.
Clemens Habicht's Color Puzzles: 1,000 Vibrating Colors Puzzle
This 1,000-piece complementary color puzzle will provide countless afternoons of quiet joy and enough chromatic euphoria to make Bob Ross hug a happy tree. Get it for $35.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
EcoQube C Aquarium
If you like plants and animals, but your daily routine of Living Room Rugby is a danger to their survival, the EcoQube C Aquarium provides a symbiotic home that not even you could mess up. The flora of your choice feeds off the waste of your fish, and in turn filter the water. Plus, it's small enough to fit on your desk. Make it yours for just $89.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
Bomber Barrel Duffel Bag Complete Set
Wheeled luggage is great for sprinting through the airport, but you'll look like a dingus carrying it around anywhere else. Everyday use is where this durable duffle bag shines. It sports a minimal, military-inspired design that's weather-resistant and filled with tons of useful pockets. A $200 value, grab the Bomber Barrel for only $69.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
Thanks to this vitamin B12 vape, it's possible to look cool without any potential long-term health risks of nicotine inhalation. Each stick contains 28 servings of B12 to help you meet your daily quota in the cloudiest way possible. Get three of them for just $32.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
Superhero 3D Illusion Lamps
Justice League might have had a subpar showing in the box office, but that doesn't mean you have to give up on superheroes altogether. These LED lamps give off an eye-catching 3D illusion in the form of Iron Man, Spider-Man, Batman, Deadpool, and the Punisher. Each one lasts over 50,000 hours, for just $39.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
Activeon CX 1080p WiFi Action Camera
No need to drop excess cash on a GoPro when you can get the same durable quality from this Activeon camera. It captures video in glorious 1080p, and features a clever two-button control setup that allows it to be easily usable. Sort of like a Dude Perfect shot, except with cameras. We're selling them for $39.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
Nix Mini Color Sensor
This pocketable ball is like Shazam for colors. It features super-accurate optics to identify precise colors and then save those digital swatches for your later use. And to make home renovations less awful (and yes, they are almost always awful), it cross-references proprietary shades from major paint brands. Save $30 on the Nix Mini Color Sensor when you order from us -- just $69. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
LithiumCard Wallet Battery
Instead of toting around a chunky power brick to keep your phone alive, check out this ultra-slim wallet battery. It's no thicker than a small stack of credit cards and recharges 1 percent of your battery per minute, so you can more quickly get back to filming your friend crying while holding their dead phone. Get it in either lightning or micro USB flavors here for $20. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
Brik Wall Tiles Bundle, Four-Pack
Your office desk only has so much room for improvised spacecraft. Fortunately, these Brik Wall Tiles will help you mount them on your walls without any fuss. They stick anywhere you want, so you can take your Lego artwork with you wherever you go. Each one is 10x10 inches, and a four-pack costs just $49.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
IllumiBowl Germ Defense Toilet Night Light
The Illumibowl adds a motion-sensitive night light to your toilet bowl, so you won't have to recklessly swipe around in the dark for the light switch. It also wards off common bathroom bacteria, giving your tush comfort on a microscopic level. We're not going to claim that it wards off demons too, but ... well, we haven't seen any demons around since installing them ourselves. Grab one for $12.99 from the Cracked Shop. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
SaberLight Rechargeable Flameless Plasma Beam Lighter, Two-Pack
Butane lighters are so 20th century and not at all TSA-approved. These SaberLight rechargeable plasma lighters aren't deterred by wind or rain, and can travel with you wherever you go. A two-pack will run you no more than $29.99. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
MIM Hybrid Smart Watches
Smartwatches tend to have an aesthetic that screams "Look at my gadget thingy!" But these Hybrid MIM timepieces are the exception. They retain a classic, sophisticated look while giving you plenty of handy features like push notifications and activity tracking. Plus, they're only $49 from our store. Get an additional 20 percent off with coupon code BFRIDAY20.
OMNIA Travel Adapter
Anyone who's well-traveled will know how annoying it is to pack multiple AC power adapters. Lighten your load with this universal USB charger. Its unique sliding mechanism packs five different standard plugs into a single tiny cube to help you recharge in 150 different countries. Pick one up for 25 percent off, just $36.99. Note that the extra 20 percent off coupon doesn't apply for this product.
Hover 4K Camera Passport Self-Flying Camera Drone
What could possibly come next for drone technology? If you guessed self-flying drones that will document your journey without you lifting a finger, then you guessed correctly. In a perfect world, you'd win one of these for your correct answer. The Hover 4K Drone uses facial recognition technology to film your every move, and it even folds up into a portable package when not in use. This innovative technology rarely goes on sale, but you can get it for 30 percent off at just $349.99. Note that the extra 20 percent off coupon doesn't apply for this product.
And keep kicking holiday butt with 9 Gift Ideas That Guarantee You'll Win Secret Santa.
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.
The most unrealistic thing about fictional villains is that they don't get arrested until the plot calls for it.