8:56 PMDan O'Brien - You may scoff, but anyone who's been to prison knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about.
8:56 PMHbn Gladstone - John McCain has been in prison
8:57 PMRoss Wolinsky - Just to bring everyone up to speed with a complete non-sequitor, Swaim has already accused me of having a penis that presents a choking hazard to small children, to which I countered that it was manufactured in China and is covered in lead paint.
8:57 PMRoss Wolinsky - All that and the debate hasn't even STARTED yet.
8:57 PMMichael Swaim - Whoa! That was BEHIND THE SCENES commentary, Ross.
8:57 PMMichael Swaim - They have to wait for the DVD for that s**t
8:57 PMRoss Wolinsky - I know. But marketing said people like that kind of stuff.
8:57 PMMichael Swaim - Also, Palin's daughter is retarded.
8:57 PMMichael Swaim - There, it can only go up from here.
8:58 PMRoss Wolinsky - Hence the Glitter Act of 2009.
8:58 PMHbn Gladstone - I'm not gonna like to you, Swaim. Your pic is freakin' me out.
8:58 PMDan O'Brien -
8:58 PMHbn Gladstone - lie to you
8:58 PMDan O'Brien - (There's an edit button, Gladstone.)
8:58 PMMichael Swaim - Well, your avatar seems to be making eyes at me, so I really don't know what to believe.
8:59 PMMichael Swaim - (just because it's in parentheses doesn't mean it's whispered, Dan)
8:59 PMDan O'Brien - Hey, on CNN, they're talking about Polls. It says 80% of the people think the country is going badly.
8:59 PMDan O'Brien - Did any of you guys take this poll?
8:59 PMDan O'Brien - No one ever asks me to take these polls everyone's always talking about
8:59 PMRoss Wolinsky - Can you guys tell me when I need to actually turn on the TV? As it stands I'm in the alley behind my apartment going through the contents of my wallet.
8:59 PMMichael Swaim - I think they just poll Kieth Olbermann now
9:00 PMMichael Swaim - And chatting online, Ross? I submit that you are a liar.
9:00 PMRoss Wolinsky - It's called WiFi. Check it out.
9:00 PMDan O'Brien - It's starting guys. The s**t is on.
9:00 PMMichael Swaim - I sincerely hope that the talk gets slightly more political when the debate starts...
9:00 PMMichael Swaim - I want to have sex with the CNN commentator on the left
9:00 PMHbn Gladstone - I'm watching on CNN too.
9:01 PMMichael Swaim - Right? Right?
9:01 PMDan O'Brien - Wolf Blitzer just said that the candidates don't know what the questions are going to be tonight.
9:01 PMHbn Gladstone - is that a joke? do i have to always be funny?
9:01 PMDan O'Brien - Is that different from regular debates?
9:01 PMHbn Gladstone - BEEP! Welcome to Hate By Numbers. BEEP 1. Wolf Blitzer? Nice beard!
9:01 PMRoss Wolinsky - Tom Brokaw's hair looks pretty good tonight.
9:01 PMMichael Swaim - Now they're playing bass-y fight music.
9:01 PMMichael Swaim - I am PUMPED for this!
9:01 PMDan O'Brien - Tom Brokaw is so likeable.
9:01 PMHbn Gladstone - BEEP 2 Tom Brokaw you talk funny!
9:01 PMMichael Swaim - whoa! Rock flute!
9:02 PMMichael Swaim - CNN is blowing up right now you guys.
9:02 PMRoss Wolinsky - Can we expect a question from Joe Six-Pack tonight?
9:02 PMDan O'Brien - Swaim, what are you watching?
9:02 PMDan O'Brien - I'M watching CNN.
9:02 PMMichael Swaim - Acid.
9:02 PMHbn Gladstone - oh awesome, Tom Brokaw selected the "excellent" questions.
9:02 PMMichael Swaim - His voice is so smooth it makes me want to puke.
9:02 PMRoss Wolinsky - What's the matter? You don't trust him?
9:02 PMRoss Wolinsky - I get the feeling he's done this before.
9:02 PMDan O'Brien - I like Dana Carvey's Brokaw better than this guy.
9:03 PMRoss Wolinsky - Hey, look - it's John McCain. He should do well tonight provided that nobody challenges him to raise the roof.
9:03 PMDan O'Brien - This s**t is SO ON.
9:03 PMDan O'Brien - Wow, Ross.
9:03 PMHbn Gladstone - For the readers at home, we have a wonderful intern who i shall refer to as "Jeeves" who is helping us tonight. Jeeves, get me a photo of a 1957 Chevy right now! my brokaw joke depends on it!
9:03 PMRoss Wolinsky - Too soon?
9:03 PMDan O'Brien - Does Brokaw have two microphones pinned to his tie?
9:04 PMRoss Wolinsky - Is THAT Joe Six-Pack?
9:04 PMMichael Swaim - I think my feed is ever so slightly delayed. I'll have to up my game to keep up with this razor-sharp humor.
9:04 PMDan O'Brien - That won't make him louder. That's not how sound works.
9:04 PMRoss Wolinsky - I didn't think he'd be so... bald.
9:04 PMHbn Gladstone - No that's my 8th grad shop teacher
9:04 PMRoss Wolinsky - Oh. Well, either way he's clearly drunk.
9:04 PMMichael Swaim - THey should show the coin flip, make it more like a sporting event.
9:04 PMMichael Swaim - Also there should be body checking.
9:04 PMDan O'Brien - Barack would win.
9:04 PMHbn Gladstone - Obama has a perfect dimple in his full windsor tie.
9:04 PMRoss Wolinsky - Dan: You're forgetting how much McCain has been tortured.
9:04 PMMichael Swaim - Wow, they get to walk around...FDR would TANK this debate.
9:05 PMHbn Gladstone - McCain is a half windsor man.
9:05 PMRoss Wolinsky - McCain is a fully tortured man.
9:05 PMMichael Swaim - McCain is a cro-Magnon man
9:05 PMMichael Swaim - (He's old)
9:05 PMMichael Swaim - wow, I did it! I killed the blog!
9:05 PMHbn Gladstone - What did Obama just say about "golden showers?"
9:05 PMDan O'Brien - NOW Obama's wearing a flag pin. Typical liberal flip-flopping.
9:06 PMDan O'Brien - McCain is in a perfect position to jump Obama right now.
9:06 PMMichael Swaim -
9:06 PMMichael Swaim - I just wanted that to be on here.
9:06 PMMichael Swaim - For later reference.
9:06 PMHbn Gladstone - McCain is making a pass at Allen.
9:06 PMRoss Wolinsky - Look at that perfect right angle on McCain's arm.
9:06 PMRoss Wolinsky - I call bullshit - that is a fake arm.
9:07 PMMichael Swaim - They should really have a debate where Brokaw's allowed to say "WRONG!"
9:07 PMDan O'Brien - He can't comb his own hair.
9:07 PMMichael Swaim - Hear the timbre in his voice? There's that compassion.