Page 2You are quickly ejected from the ministry, which you joined hoping to go âundercoverâ in order to get closer to God. You couldnât stop giggling at the word ârectoryâ which, ultimately, doesnât even mean what you thought. Plus you banged that chick right in the middle of service. It turned out to be a statue of the Virgin Mary. Itâs only been three hours since you found your nude genitals rudely scraped across the hot asphalt of a novelty restaurant's parking lot, but you promised yourself a decades long quest of some kind, god damn it. Clearly, some sort of time machine is needed to solve this problem.
Man, you are going to f**k up time.If you decide to pursue the invention of a fully functional time machine in order to skip ahead several decades, thereby escaping the promise you no longer remember making to somebody youâve already forgotten, which is likely also a decades long quest fraught with adventure and peril at every step, turn to page 3. If you decide to search for the drug dealer who sold you these âmeditative pillsâ for your first day in the ministry, turn to page 4.
Page 3That sounds hard. You know what doesnât sound hard? Turning to page 4. Turn to page 4.
Page 4You arrive at Benjamin Bearâs (trusty neighborhood narcotics facilitator and extremely prolific plushy) house full of piss and vinegar. But thatâs another story; youâre also pretty mad. You bang on his door with all the righteous indignation you can muster. Youâre not sure how to manifest righteous indignation in a knock. You opt for using your elbow, and to knock roughly to the beat of Queenâs âAnother One Bites the Dust.â Bum badum badum badadada dum de dum de dum- âHoly motherfuck, would you stop already?âA friendly teddy bear smiles at you from the open doorway.