PAGE 2No, you don't. He said it was guaranteed! Don't be stupid, stupid. Turn to page 3.
PAGE 3"What, for real?" Of course! Why didn't you think of it earlier? Who brews love potions? Witches and vampires and s**t! Who are mostly witches and vampires and s**t? Teenagers! It all makes perfect sense. "I'll take a dozen!" You scream in excitement. "s**t! s**t! Keep it down, man!" The kid takes a step back, looking all around for cops or vampire-hunters or whatever it is that kills teenagers these days. "Oh, right. No, it's cool, Twitter. We're cool." "Did you just call me Twitter?" "Yeah, that's a thing, right? That cool kids call each other?" "I justâ¦ man, take these," he says, thrusting a handful of pills into your palm, "and gimme that," he adds, taking the wad of cash you have safety-pinned to your shirt (so you don't forget it).
Magic is real! And it's conveniently in pill form!"Thanks, Rap Music!" you yell to him, jogging down the beach towards the love of your life, who noticed you were distracted momentarily and abandoned all of her possessions to run - just run. But that's OK! There are literally dozens of girls with breasts scattered all around this beach â and that's really the only "soulmate" criteria, come to think of it. "Let's see this magic work!" You declare to nobody in particular, downing all of the mystical love pills in one go. Now you just need to figure out a way to get some girl's attention, and let the magic do its work!
PAGE 4Ahhh! The fresh ocean breeze caressing your nether regions, the cry of the gulls overhead, the crash of the distant waves, the approaching sirens â nothing relaxes a man like the beach! You bend low in preparation, and launch yourself backwards into the air.