Best you can find? BEST YOU CAN FIND? It is our generation's Citizen Kane, sir!You shrug and put it on. The dulcet tones of Mr. Peter Cetera ring out at you, filling your soul with soothing comfort. Man, you know what goes good with smooth rock?
Page 4The girl takes rapid turn after rapid turn, occasionally glancing back, seeing you staggering after her like a drunken Quasimodo, and increasing her pace. You forget exactly why you are chasing her at this point, but you're sure there's a good reason. She probably stole something from you. That b***h. Wait, maybe it was your heart. God, you just love her so much. You tear up a little, but the mood is completely ruined when you hear somebody singing tonelessly in a terrible, strangled voice. "Like a knight in shining armor / from a long time ago," the horrid voice slurs out, repeating just those two lines endlessly. Jesus, who is
Page 5Ohhh shiiiiit, son, that's rad ether!
You can tell how good ether is by how quickly everybody starts looking green and horrifying after.It kind of smells like copper. That's weird. Does copper have a smell? It definitely has a taste. It tastes like pennies. What are pennies made of? Wait... what were you doing again? What is this, some kind of hole?
Page 6You trip through the hole, splaying onto your face in a giant, shaded meadow. It is circular in shape, and from the rich, golden-hued birds to the gently swaying leaves, it is easily the single most beautiful thing you have ever seen. You are standing on a muddy path of some sort that rings the entire circle, just soaking in the majesty of nature, when a voice cries out! "Oh, God! Watch out!" A gorgeous woman bears down on you, riding a pure white steed easily the size of an elephant at a hard gallop. A single shining horn sprouts from its head and its mane glitters in the muddled light. The girl is every bit the beast's match - savage, graceful, royal and she's got these giant tits that are just... just so good. There is an expression of desire in her eyes; you feel as if she wants something from you, but what? The unicorn slams into you at full force, hurling you and the rider to the ground in an orgy of limbs and swearing. Oh, that's right: She wanted you to move. "Jesus f*****g Christ! What is your problem, buddy?!" She is off her mount and helping you to your feet within seconds. Truly she is a creature of charity and beauty. "What are you, f*****g retarded? Why are you just standing there?" You start to answer, but suddenly she glances behind her in terror and you put it all together: There's something chasing her, bearing down on her from behind! "I'll bear down on