CB: See? It's nothing. M: What was that? That thing that I jumped on. I ki... you killed it! You're a monster! It wasn't going to hurt anyone. CB: No, it'd have killed you. Trust me. M: Why should I trust you? Who are you? Hey slow down. Don't jump here! OW! CB: What? I just got you got a coin. We'll need that later. Hey, does that hurt? M: Does smashing a solid metal block with my head hurt? YES IT HURTS, DOCTOR ROCKET GENIUS. CB: How about this? M: OW! CB: So the brick ones hurt too. Huh. They look squishy. M: Listen jackhole! When I figure... OW!... out who you... OW!... are... OW!... I'm going to- don't eat that mushroom! Are you crazy? Oh! Oh fuck, yes! I am huge! CB: Thought you'd like that. Now you want to shut up for a bit? M: Yeah, yeah, you seem to know what you're doing. God. I feel fantastic. Look at this shit. I'm jumping like 30 feet in the air. This is sick! Wait till Luigi hears about this. CB: He can jump higher. M: What? You are out of your fucking mind. That little
CB: Told ya. M: Pop! Pop! Pop pop! Hahahahahah! CB: Heh. M: Whoa. Did you just kill a turtle? Not cool dude. He looked scared. I could have just jumped over him. CB: Uh-huh. Or maybe you could have run around him? M: What's "around" mean? CB: Nothing. Just checking something. ________ LATER M: OwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOwOw. Fucker! So what's the deal again with all these coins I'm getting? CB: If we collect a hundred of them, you get an extra life. M: Cool. Very cool. Followup question: Why would I need an extra life? CB: Hmmmmmmm. M: Hmm what? CB: Hey, check out that flag! M: Oh cool! _________ Level 1-2 M: So these blue guys are just like before, except now they're blue. CB: Yeah, exactly the same. We're dealing with a pretty limited palette I'm afraid. M: Oh! Careful! Watch the turtle! OW OW OW OW OW OW! CB: Shit. Sorry dude. M: You fucking dumbass! That really hurt! And now I'm tiny again? How does that work? CB: It's cool. I'll be careful. M: Oh you'll be better than careful. You're going to murder every turtle you see from now on. I mean it. Turtle holocaust. Go. ________
CB: Not a good plan. M: Holy shit! He's shooooooooting at us! CB: Hang on. M: Don't land on that axe! That's gonna kill! Hey. What just happened? CB: You won dude. Congrats. M: Boss! CB: Now run in there and meet the princess! M: Yeah! CB: - M: Who's this little turd? CB: Heh heh heh heh heh. M: Oh you bastard. _______
Whose job is it to solve crimes?
There is much to show you.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
The most unrealistic thing about fictional villains is that they don't get arrested until the plot calls for it.