This piece was written by the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
A thousand years ago, on the Fourth of July 1776, brave American revolutionaries gathered up that evil British tea and hurled it into Boston Harbor to protest England's intolerable 15% tea tax, which had caused Paul Revere and Patrick Henry to chop down a cherry tree (and refuse to lie about it) just days earlier. In honor of this sacred American holiday, we have special deals in the Cracked Shop, where gizmos and gadgets that are already on sale can now be snagged for a patriotic 15% off their already marvelous prices (use the code FIREWORK15, FYI). You may quibble with our history here, but isn't fudging the past to accommodate good deals what America is all about?
Every kitchen needs at least two knives. You need a 4" paring knife for the finer cutting, and a 7.5" chef's knife for all the chopping that makes your ancestors look down and go "Whoa." This Precision Starter Chef Knife Set comes with ergonomic handles, nonstick coated blades, and lightweight Belgravian "Lightedge" to maximize culinary convenience.
Normally $49.90, you can snag yours in the Cracked Shop today for a revolutionary $25.42 with code FIREWORK15.
July Fourth is great, but it's also lodged in the sweaty navel of summer. So how better to celebrate comfortably than with a smart personal air conditioner? EvaSMART uses natural evaporative cooling, rather than climate-destroying refrigerant gases, to keep the air around you as nice as possible.
You ever try to fire up the barbecue for your summer grill, only to realize that there's something wrong with the propane tank? You'd take the apparatus apart and investigate, but there's simply no way to get in there without ripping the whole thing apart, so you end up just ordering pizza instead. If only you had a nifty screwdriver like the SpeedHex FlipOut.
With 380 different positions and 360 degrees of orbital rotation (plus an additional 360 degrees of flexibility and an LED work light), the Flip Out Rechargeable Screwdriver is guaranteed to save your summer at least once.
A true American doesn't need to plug their cables into the wall to charge their devices. A true American gathers power from the cable itself with the 1.5M Battery Lightning Cable.
Remember when you used to carry around your CD player, pager, flashlight, and a calculator? Now you just have a smartphone. Well, the Power Air Fryer 10-in-1 Pro Elite Oven is like that, but for your kitchen. You'll replace your deep fryer, rotisserie, toaster, pizza oven, and steamer with this one appliance.
Normally $169.95, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $72.25 with code FIREWORK15.
Imagine a lovely life partner who makes you coffee every morning, just how you like it. This robot won't be able to love you, but it can do the coffee part, and that's close enough. Plus, these Nespresso pods are certified fair trade, and offer intensity ratings between 8 and 12.
Normally $23.00, it's just $16.99 right now in the Cracked Shop with code FIREWORK15.
Future generations will mock us for buying $2,000 computers and using them to check Facebook and whine about superhero movies on Reddit. This refurbished Lenovo N21 does everything you normally do on the computer (check your email, tweet about the The Last Jedi, watch Netflix) without charging you for any super-advanced artificial intelligence and graphics cards you don't need. Plus it's refurbished, meaning it has all the reliability of a new computer at a fraction of the price -- and that's before applying the Cracked Shop discount.
Normally $599.00, grab yours right now for just $76.50 with code FIREWORK15.
This pocket-sized knife is like an adorable kitty cat: harmless when left alone, deadly if gently poked with your thumb. The 6" blade disappears inside the plastic coating when it's folded up, but can be ready for use at a moment's notice.
Apple products are cool and all, but sometimes they could stand to be less ... uh, Apple-y. If you want to hide your AirPods in a cool leather case, this Leather bag (with carabiner) will let you enjoy your AirPods while still having the option to go brand-incognito.
Normally $39.95, you can grab yours for just $21.25 with code FIREWORK15.
These handcrafted glowing rings come straight from Brooklyn (the magic glow stuff capital of the world) and are custom-fitted to your hand with a fitting kit that is all included.
Shaking the sand out of your beach towel is the worst experience an American and an American's carpet can go through after the Fourth of July. That's why Lagu developed the only beach towel that hates sand as much as Anakin Skywalker.
Clogged sinks suck. Actually, they don't suck, because they're clogged. But they are horrible. The tweak strainer cures the worse gunk problems in a truly magical way (and by "magical," we mean "scientific.")
Normally $19.98, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $12.25 with code FIREWORK15.
After the meteor hits and we're all reduced to ash and Mad Max cosplayers, the only intelligent life on the planet will be the cockroaches and these ultra-durable charging cables. And the Mad Max cosplayers, if we're being generous with our definition of "intelligent."
Normally $24.95, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for $9.35 with code FIREWORK15.
Remember how MacGyver always had the exact gadget he needed at the moment he needed it, no matter the situation? (Depending on your age, substitute MacGyver for Inspector Gadget or Iron Man). Well, the MyGEKOgear MagiClaw is the Macgyver/Gadget/Jarvis for your smartphone.
Normally $49.99, grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $34 with code FIREWORK15.
These headphones are so good that they sound like a tiny band is playing their music right against your eardrum -- but, you know, not in an annoying way. You'll also get 6.5 hours of continuous play, 24 hours of battery life in the charging case, Qualcomm AptX Audio Technology, and a Bluetooth 5 chip.
Normally $119.99, you can grab yours in the Cracked Shop for just $85 with code FIREWORK15.
Back-to-school may be just around the corner, but summer isn't over yet. Make This Summer One To Remember With These 10 Buys.
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.