I don't think I actually know anything about Darfur.
DOB: Pretty sexy speech, right? You can say it was, that's fine.
Kevin: No, I was just thinking that somewhere down the line someone profoundly failed you in some way, and I wasn't sure if it was your parents or the public school system.
DOB: I'd say it's a pretty mixed bag.
Kevin: Figured. Anyway, we're giving you an award. It's nothing special.
DOB: Are you gonna announce it anywhere, or do a press release, or call all of my enemies and ex-girlfriends? This whole thing sounds pretty special.
Kevin: No, no, and no. We're just going to email it to you and tell absolutely no one else. I can't stress enough how unexciting this is. Really, it just took a couple of seconds in photoshop. Truth be told, it's pretty meaningless. It was Sean Gleeson's idea, he's one of the other Weblog guys.
DOB: I knew you believed in me, Kevin.
Kevin: I actually still sort of hate you.
DOB: Ah, DOB and Kevinâ¦ Kevver. Guns n Roses' Stairway to Kevin. Happily Kever After. Ben Folds Fives' Whatkever & Kever Amen.
Kevin: Please stop doing this.
DOB: Research and Kevelopment.
He hung up, so I'm not sure if he even heard that last one, but I like to think he felt it. For the next few hours, I waited patiently by my computer for the email to come. What kind of award would it be? A trophy? Money? A handgun? How would they email any of those things? Right when I was about to call up Tomorrow Kever Dies, the email came, and my excitement and unbridled joy erupted all over my apartment.
I was the proud recipient of the 2008 weblogawards webLAME award webSTUPID award for jerks. 1 I was finally being recognized for all the hard work that I assume I must've done over the past year and a half. Granted, the Weblog site has a page with all of actual winners, and, granted, I'm not technically on that page, but, hey, I've seen the logos that those winners get. The word "award" appears on their certificate just once, while mine features it a total of three times. Mathematicians will tell you; this makes me three times the winner of all those other websites. Did you hear that, Stirrup Queens,