This piece was written by the Cracked Store to tell you about products that are being sold there.
It seems like every day, gadgets can do more and more. Your phone knows your emotions based on your pulse, you can talk to your TV, and your refrigerator might even have a touchscreen and WiFi. Unfortunately, each of these new capabilities comes with, on average, six new ways a device can go wrong. We crunched the numbers and determined that by 2025 (or as we'll call it, "The Year Of Our Lord: Disney's Avengers 7"), there will be 800 different reasons to call an IT professional in your bedroom alone. What we're saying is a career in IT is a really good idea. And if you're wondering how to get started, might we humbly recommend these training certifications?
Amazon Web Services is a highly scalable cloud platform, and this training bundle will show you how to saddle it up and ride it into town like it's the finest horse in the West. The SysOps Associate Certification will teach you how to deploy, manage, and operate the fault-tolerant systems. And the Technical Essentials Certification and Architect Solutions Certification will inject 10 cc's of knowledge into your brain about formulating plans and identifying lift and shift on existing premises. All in all, you're looking at ten separate AWS certifications that come together at a price of $1,447 ... unless you buy it in the Cracked Store. We found a way (don't ask us how) to offer you the entire AWS Certification Training Master Bundle for just $59.
Cisco develops the tip-toppiest tier of network and security systems in the country, and this collection of classes will turn you into a veritable master hacker for them. Nine separate classes will teach you the fundamental architecture of their systems, how to secure networks, strategies for identifying weaknesses and gaps in the security, how to provide the option to perform video solutions, and even how to become an enterprising Cisco Professional yourself. The only thing it won't teach you is how to swim in the pools of all the money you will eventually make. This is $3,285 worth of information available right now for 98 percent off and an additional discount that brings the price to just $49.
CompTIA certifications are tremendous entry-point certifications for any kind of IT career, since they teach you the fundamentals of computer technology, installation, and configuration. But they can also take you further past the newbie points of IT work. Imagine all of the tech wizardry you could concoct by understanding features for Android and Apple iOS, installing and configuring operating systems, and even knowing how to work with the cloud and set up security systems. You'll learn all that and more in this 12-pack of CompTIA Certification Classes. Even though it would normally cost $4,329, we love ya, so it's available in the Cracked Store right now for just $59 -- that's 98 percent off!
Azure is Microsoft's cloud implementation technology, and it is estimated that Azure Architects make between $130,000 and $170,000 per year. That is, mathematically speaking, a whole bunch of money. This collection of Azure Certification classes will teach you the programming and security skills you need to get your foot in the door of cloud computer training, and once that foot is secured, grabbing all those raining dollar bills is up to you. Normally $387, these classes are available in the Cracked Store right now after a massive price drop for just $19.
If you work in healthcare, technology, marketing, or finance, then we'd bet our nonexistent mortgages that you work with massive amounts of data. So then you probably realize that an elegant and efficient architecture for accessing and maintaining that data is absolutely necessary. That's why Oracle SQL skills are so important for any IT professional. Learning Oracle is like the "Hey magic wand, fly directly to my hand!" spell from Harry Potter, or whatever lets Gandalf spin around on his head. You'll just look like a fool without it. These two Oracle SQL classes normally cost $924, but thanks to the Oracle Professional Certification Training Bundle's special deal in the Cracked Store, you can pick yours up right now for just $59.
Most rich kids just want to be pop stars.
How did these hyper-specific tropes spread so quickly?
The Hollywood rumor mill has been playing games with celebrity deaths for at least a century.
It's easy to work the system and win these awards even if you don't deserve them.