If you know anything about Cracked, you know that we have an indelible fascination with the 26th president of the United States. It was only a matter of time before we turned our T-shirt technology towar reviving him in mechanized form. This souped-up version of Teddy Prime (as we've come to call him) contains a feature that grants him the ability to transform into a cybernetic bull moose. And we're glad we gave it to him. Teddy Prime will need every advantage he can get if ever hopes to take down MegaTrump and the rest of the Deswampticons.
Our greatest T-shirt innovation (and easily the best product to come out of Long Island) is Piano Man, the Billy-Joel-themed fighting robot. Armed with a keytar, harmonica, and the catchiest beats since 1969, Piano Man fights in a never-ending quest to ensure that every uptown girl can find a backstreet guy. Warning: The Piano Man T-shirt is known to start fires and then blame others for them.