Counterfeit Money To Bribe Bullies
School teaches children critical lessons, like "My chair is not a toilet" or "Becky's braids are attached to her scalp" or "The only law to the Universe is that of power. The mighty conquer the weak, and the wealthy can control the mighty." So give your kid a head start in learning how the world operates with this fake money to bribe bullies. Not only will your children avoid purple nurples, but they'll rule the playground by paying muscle to carry out their whims. Counterfeit Benjamin Franklin's off-model raised eyebrow may seem to pass judgment, but ignore him. He's dead, and now his face gets jammed up nostrils to vacuum cocaine, so what does he know? And don't worry about the children being able to spot fake money. Yes, it says "FAKE" in large lettering all across the front, but we have a literacy problem in this country. Use that to your child's advantage.
A Fashionable Demon Skin Suit
While other parents are busy shopping for jorts, get ahead of the fashion trends and buy this Demon Skin Suit Kids Costume. Made out of breathable Lycra, this charming ensemble comes with finger extensions and a black hood. The seller writes, "Also includes a fade eye mechanism glasses fram [sic] t-" which cuts off abruptly, probably after they've been decapitated by the vengeful spirits of skinned demons. But that's of no concern to you the consumer. "It feels really comfortable," writes one reviewer. "So comfortable, as if it's my own skin. It won't come off. It is me now. I am become Xleghich. I hunger." Hunger for learning, that is!
A Handmade Googly Eyed Necronomicon Journal