If you want to spill over into the ludicrously unnecessary, you have to head over to The Verge for a "Back To School Guide" that includes a $500 drone. If just reading that makes you mad, understand that these guides probably aren't for you; they're for the kid whose rich grandpa bulldozed a neighboring women's shelter and donated the land to the school to build a state-of-the-art recording studio for his old a cappella group.
A Bloomberg guide categorized products by fields of concentration. They suggested that English majors buy $129 earbuds, a $100 wool jacket, and $62 Burberry cologne. English majors are souls who've spent so long fantasizing about not majoring in English that they accidentally graduated with a degree in English. "Oops! I've squandered my parent's life savings, and all I got was this deeper understanding of Madame Bovary!" Bloomberg's idea of English majors sounds a lot like when Michael Bay casts Victoria Secret models he's trying to fuck as military scientists in Transformers movies.
They also suggest that engineering students buy a $135 black knee-length trench coat, a $190 sweater, and a $199 color-changing lightbulb set, which suggests that the only people who study engineering are John Cusack characters with seasonal affective disorder.
With these bizarre guides, each of these tech sites proved they're out of touch with the financial situations of average students. Or with understanding how humans function on the most basic level. But only one guide has left me genuinely worried about the mental stability of the people who compiled it.
CNET is convinced the Purge movies are real, since their "Back To School Guide" includes six different expensive high-tech home security devices, including three different kinds of security cameras. The parent of a perspective college student reading that would assume they were sending their kid to get a degree in doomsday prepping. The list should have included a ten-year supply of canned beans and a gun with one bullet that they'll know when to use. To further demonstrate how unhinged CNET's guide really is, at one point, they include a picture of a Google Home voice assistant device as the centerpiece on a plate of clearly overcooked chicken tenders, suggesting they don't know what anything in the picture actually is or does.
Are the chicken tenders surrounding it to attack, or does the Google Home radiate so much energy that it can fry chicken?
Somewhere on the CNET servers is a picture of a Samsung Galaxy dipped in honey mustard, and I will not stop hacking them until I find it.
CNET's Gwyneth Paltrow level of human understanding culminates in their used car category. It should be an easy list. Just say Honda Civic and Toyota Corolla, then take a bow as you accept a standing ovation for the wonderful Internet Content you've manufactured. But then, with a straight face, they recommend students buy a used Porsche Boxster, the car of choice for people with who think Entourage is about them.
There's out of touch, and then there's so out of touch that you think a guide for students who subsist mostly on ramen should include a luxury sports car, or any of this other stuff, for that matter. "Back To School" is just a weak pretense for tech nerds to boast about how many expensive things they can rattle off before their deadline. These guides are what happen when a trust fund gets struck by lightning and comes to life.
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