Bert: No, I basically explained to him it was a special type of hug that makes babies.
Cracked: It can also be used to consolidate your family's political strength, Ernie.
Ernie: Ohhhh. I get it now!
-Ernie runs off-
Cracked: Where'd he go?
Bert: I don't know. I stopped asking about 20 years ago. Just appreciate it while it lasts.
Cracked: Trouble in paradise, Bert?
Bert: Ha ha. Even best friends need some time apart.
-Ernie runs back-
Ernie: Bert! Bert! I just had straight sex, Bert!
Cracked: Well this sounds promising.
Bert: I'm confident that you did not, Ernie.
Ernie: No! I did! With a girl, Bert! Just like you said!
Cracked: Which girl?
Ernie: I didn't catch her name.
Cracked: Wow. You're just diving in at the deep end, hey?
Bert: I wouldn't get too excited about this. If I know Ernie, this is some stupid confusion centered around a misunderstood word. He hasn't had sex with anyone.
Ernie: No! I have, Bert! Watch!
-Ernie runs off-
Bert: How are we supposed to watch if you keep running off?
Cracked: I don't know, but whatever is happening, I'm feeling strong, basic urges that I need to watch it happen.
Bert: I'm pretty sure you'll change your mind after you have.
Cracked: What do you think Ernie's actually doing?
Bert: Let's see ... He thinks sex is a special type of hug that makes babies, so ...
Cracked: He's spooning a stork?
Bert: Or fondling eggs at the supermarket.
Cracked: He might be wrestling with a doctor.
Bert: Because doctors make babies?
Cracked: I mean if you don't understand the process, yeah, you could imagine a doctor rooting around in there, fabricating a baby. That's basically how I understood things until I was about 20.
-Ernie races back in-
Ernie: I did it Bert! I had sex again!
Cracked: Who was it this time Ernie?
Ernie: The pink martian!
The pink one is the hottest one.