Dear Conan O'Brien, Hi, buddy. I'll keep this brief, because I'm sure you're very busy and also I'm sure you're not actually reading this. Now that you're probably quitting (and rightfully so) your current job, you should maybe consider taking over what used to be the funniest show ever, The Simpsons. You remember that. Fifteen years ago, you wrote episodes that to this day are still among the best. Hell, you also created the Sea Captain. Now, I could talk about the show's oft-discussed decline in quality for a while, because I grew up watching it and have very strong opinions on the matter. I won't, though, because who wants to hear someone bitch about how they are no longer pleased with the free entertainment they receive? The answer is "no one." I would, however, like to point out that in Morgan Spurlock's recent 42-minute documentary for The Simpsons' 20th anniversary, there was only one clip shown that was not from the first 10 years of its run. Curious. And if you look at any "Top 10 Episodes" list, you'll notice that there are no episodes mentioned from the past ten years. Even this one that came out today. Curious again. All I'm saying, Conan, is that maybe now that you're most likely looking for another project, you could start running The Simpsons and make it brilliant like it used to be. Or reboot the whole thing and make it brilliant in a different way. Either way, I know you'd want to. Here's what you said in the aforementioned documentary:
I would love you to take that job, Conan, and you'd get paid so much more than a dollar a year. Please, for the sake of America's favorite family, please pump some of your magic blood into an internationally-loved show that just... that just hasn't been doing it for a while. All this aside, though, I will be extremely excited about and watch whatever it is you choose to do next. I just kind of hope it's yellow.- -Love, some person
If someone could just put me out in a pasture somewhere in a beautiful part of Spain and say, "Your job is just- we'll pay you a dollar a year and you can have some cheap red wine and just think of weird things for Mr. Burns to say and do..." I would take that job.