Birds are probably going to love the hell out of this. I did. I ate that granola bar. Now the birds have nothing, because who owns bird food? Probably bird parents. I'm not one of them. I'm not on the hook for this brand of responsibility. You think I want bird kids? Have you seen little birds? Hideous. But then they grow into pretty delicious chickens, so it's a struggle for all of us, I guess.
Beer & Craft 7: Hops & Robbers Plus This Thing
Beer #7 is the beer to remember. Seven pints of beer separated by brief moments of crafting makes it harder to type an article, but not impossible. I could do laundry right now. I could make a bagel. This beer was also all about hops. All these beers are hops puns. I got news for you, craft beer guys: Everyone makes a fuckin' hops pun. Like one or two are funny, but then later it's like watching one of those off-brand comedy specials that's on local cable instead of the Comedy Network or HBO, and the comedians are all people you're pretty sure work at the local supermarket. One guy will come out and you'll be so hopeful that this is the next Patrice O'Neal or John Mulaney, but instead he'll eschew jokes in favor of swearing loudly about how he hates his ex. And his whole act is just awful stories pointed with Tourette's moments of loudly cursing, which he thinks is a punchline, and you'll wish you had more of this fuckin' hopsy brew to drown his ass in.
I don't know what craft to make for this one, and really, how would they know? Who's telling the craft beer people if I don't make a craft? Like, I could have not made any of these crafts and just drank the beer. I mean, not now, because I made it into an article, but say I wasn't a guy who does this for a living. I could have secretly made no crafts. Why did I sign up for this, anyway? It's needless, is what it is. I mean, that macaroni wiener is funny and all. Actually, I had a pretty good day. Maybe that's what the craft beer barons were trying to teach us all along. You and me, pal. We just got schooled.
This beer is described as a sessionable IPA, and the can literally says "extra delicious." That's a bold-ass stance to take. I guess no one is going to advertise "generally mediocre" or "mildly tolerable," now that I think about it. I'm learning a lot on this journey. Also, I have to piss like a demon.
Incidentally, the beer is OK, but I'm not sure I'd call it extra delicious. Like regular delicious, tops. Pompous Ass was more delicious, and they didn't even use the word "delicious" on the can. Probably because they're so pompous they felt they didn't need to.
Here's my fuckin' craft. It's gum with a googly eye and a screwdriver.
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