Hello, lucky reader! You are just a single click away from experiencing a brand new podcast: Cracked Movie Club, hosted by me, Tom Reimann, and Abe Epperson. (Me and Tom Reimann are the same person. The show does not have three hosts. Merely two.)
Each month, we'll be focusing on a specific director, and each episode will be devoted to a discussion of a specific popular film of that director. This month's director is Steven Spielberg, because both Abe and I came to an agreement that Steven Spielberg is probably the most influential director of the past half century, and also made Jurassic Park, and both Abe and I really like Jurassic Park.
One of the many lofty goals Abe and I have for Cracked Movie Club, in which the two of us find a third person, most likely a glamorous stranger, and sit them down to talk with us about movies, is to share some truly wild observations we've had about famous films. For instance, in the inaugural episode, Abe and I and our guest, comedian Daniel Van Kirk, spend a heroic (others might say "irresponsible") amount of time talking about the evil eyepatch-wearing henchman and his Nazi monkey in Steven Spielberg's Raiders Of The Lost Ark. You remember ... the guy who tries to poison Indiana Jones and accidentally poisons his own monkey helper instead.
Now, as is often the case when three intelligent adults hold a protracted discussion, we naturally arrived at a thrilling discovery: It is entirely possible that this particular motorcycle-riding henchman, wandering the streets of Cairo with naught but a vest and a monkey to his name (also a motorcycle), is, in fact, Aladdin, the hero of Disney legend, from a reality in which he never discovered the magic lamp and had his thrilling adventure with his cutthroat monkey Abu.
The similarities are impossible to ignore. Aladdin was a man of ill-repute with an equally unscrupulous monkey, and so is this nameless Indiana Jones henchman. Yes, this street rat and his diabolical monkey never caught that hero-making break that transformed him from gutter trash to warlock-overthrowing prince, so in the streets he remained, lurking in the shadows of the city, stealing what he and Abu needed to survive, their clothes getting more and more haggard as the years raked cruelly over them. Once the Nazis moved in to occupy their country, Abu quickly learned the appropriate salute to win the soldiers over and gain their trust so that he could mug them, much like how he learned to mimic the Sultan in order to rob local fruit vendors. Aladdin, meanwhile, lost an eye, but gained a motorcycle.
Unfortunately, their hard, dangerous lifestyle eventually catches up to them, and Aladdin, seeking to score some coin by eliminating handsome archaeologist Indiana Jones, accidentally poisons Abu, his greatest friend and ally, who in all likelihood was rolled unceremoniously into a trash can by Indy and Sallah.
So please give our new podcast, Cracked Movie Club, a listen, and if you like it, subscribe! I can't guarantee that every episode will contain insight as powerful as this Aladdin/Raiders Of The Lost Ark connection, but I can guarantee that one episode will contain insight as powerful as this Aladdin/Raiders Of The Lost Ark connection (it's the episode where we talk about Raiders Of The Lost Ark with Daniel Van Kirk).
And if you liked the first episode, check out episode two, in which Abe and I are joined by Cracked's David Christopher Bell to talk about Spielberg's 1993 hit, Jurassic Park.
For more podcast goodness check out 10 Most Iconic Comedic Performances In Movie History and Why Only Some Superhero Movies Qualify As Summer Movies.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel and check out Great Performances from People Who Weren't Actors & More - This Week In EPCD (The Rock, David Bowie), and watch other videos you won't see on the site!
Also follow us on Facebook. Give it a click.
The main benefit of watching TV is seeing the plight of sad bastards who aren't you.
The 'wellness' market is thriving right now.
Most people have a pretty basic idea of what it's like to be a parent.
There's no shortage of downright absurd conspiracy theories out there.
Given everything we know, there's cause to be worried about these movies.