A Touching Children's Book Written While High

A few weeks ago I related a charming anecdote about the Cracked offices that involved thinly veiled racism, sexual assault, rampant stupidity and may or may not have actively advocated huffing gasoline (several times). Then I figured: That would make a great children's book! I was wrong, but here it is anyway. max_cover1


max_fumes_resized
max_travel_resized
max_meet_resized
max_cocks_resize
max_drandgirl_resize
max_sleds_resized
max_falling_resized
max_burning
max_end_flattened
You can pre-order Robert's book, Everything is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead on Amazon, or find him on Twitter, Facebook and his own site, I Fight Robots, where you can read more awful children's stories, like the alternate version of "Where the Wild Things Are" that devolves into a horrifying man/beast orgy!
To turn on reply notifications, click here

158 Comments

Load Comments

More Blogs

5 Meltdowns That Went Viral Before The Internet Existed

Everybody loves a good old-fashioned meltdown.

86

5 Iconic Movies Saved By Last-Minute Changes

Some of your favorite movie moments were added months after everyone went home.

109

5 'Romantic Triangle' Characters We Just Feel Sorry For

Fictional love triangles are always a rigged game.

147

5 Celebrities With Arguably More Interesting Parents

Many of today's celebrities have some real surprises in their family trees.

79

5 Scandals Covered Up By Prominent Universities

It seems like prominent schools are really big on making sure the ugly parts stay secret.

106

5 Actors Who Keep Playing Weirdly Specific Roles

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result.

82