On the Crew ...
"I didn't come here to make friends. I came here to ... something else that has not yet been communicated to me. Anyway, want to be friends?"
On General Safety ...
On Captain Vickers ...
On David, The Android ...
This is just unnecessary, right?
Don't Worry, That Old Man Is Just Guy Pearce in Makeup
Daniel O'Brien is Cracked.com's senior writer (ladies), and [placeholder for relevant joke that I'll think of later] ([second beat of that joke]).
For more from Dan, check out A Series of Emails From Cyberdyne's New Tech Guy and My Brief Time as a Crewmember Aboard the USS Enterprise.
Things could always be much, much worse.
The cops will come swooping in the seconds the credits roll.
You've probably never heard of it.